John Connor (Terminator 2: Judgment Day)
Terminator 2: Judgment Day is widely considered one of the greatest sci-fi movies ever, as well as one of the greatest action movies, one of the greatest film sequels, and so on. And all of those accolades are definitely earned, as James Cameron whipped up a beast of an apocalyptic time-travel tale with one of the most memorable villains of all time. But do you want to know the reason why it’s only ever considered “one of the best” and not “THE best” in all of the previous examples? Edward fucking Furlong in his film debut.
In the first Terminator, the unborn John Connor already had legendary status as the leader of the future resistance against the evil A.I. revolution, so his potential as a character was sky high. And then along came Furlong, with his deflating-balloon voice, who spends the entire movie wiseassing his way from one dangerous situation to another. As sidekicks go, he’s even more terrible than present-day Nick Nolte would be in a new 48 Hours movie. I know that kids aren’t supposed to be geysers of intellect and relatability, but I’d be perfectly happy bowing down to Skynet if it meant living in world where this version of John Connor is a goner.
How We Would Kill Him Off: We’d buy Kyle Reese a pack of condoms.