Deadheaded Oregon Middle School Cancels Zombie Survival Class

By Nick Venable | 8 years ago


This just in: not only is the American education system lacking the funds it needs to actually educate America, but apparently some people within said system don’t care if we all get eaten by zombies. Or at the very least, they don’t care if we know how to avoid getting eaten up. Or that evolution exists, but that’s for other stories.

The Mermiston School District in northeast Oregon announced that a “zombie survival skills” class Armand Larive Middle School was offering has been declared “officially deader than fucking doornails, which this school has also removed for safety purposes.” (That isn’t a real quote.)

Superintendent Fred Maiocco was apparently unaware that a school in his district used zombie survival as an extra-curricular activity, and only found out about it when he read about how popular it was, saying he “couldn’t believe that would actually be a class.”

It will be replaced with an “exploratory reading” class, which is good and all, but I’m sure some of those kids are really disappointed that hands-on outdoor activities will be replaced by a book-holding voyage of the imagination. The least they could do is let them read The Walking Dead, iZombie, and Alpha Girl comic books in between the school reading list items.

Rich Harshberger, who will be teaching the new reading class, said his zombie class mainly consisted of survival skills and included both a reading and writing component. “What was that? I couldn’t hear you over all those kids having fun.” I guess everyone is going to have to move to Cedar Rapids in order to join their zombie boot camp running through the end of the month.