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Why Luke Skywalker Looks Like Crazy Hobo And Other Bits Of Star Wars News

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star warsOkay, it feels like it’s been a while since there have been some big time potential spoilers for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Part of that is probably due to Disney’s new war on leaks, and I like to imagine it like how reporters wait in bars where political aides congregate, hoping the one or another has one drink too many and lets a juicy tidbit slip (at least that’s what TV has told me happens). I also imagine the House of Mouse would subsequently disappear this person. That said, they’re fighting an uphill battle, and a new report has a ton of potential spoilers for The Force Awakens.

Just a warning, if these are true, a big if, they’re the holy shit, ruin-your-day variety of spoilers, so maybe you just want to watch the trailer for The Force Awakens again and call it good.

This report comes from Making Star Wars, who have been all over the spoiler train since day one, but they’re quick to point out that this is not one of their usual sources and that they have no way to verify this information. Much of it seems to jive with what they’ve already heard, seen, had confirmed by their more regular, reliable network of spies. (Again, in my head, this is an espionage movie.) You should always take these reports with a huge grain of salt, but these ones especially.

That said, onward into spoiler town.

The biggest pieces of information involve Luke Skywalker and Rey, Daisy Ridley’s character, and what they’re up to in the movie. Both go into hiding separately, but at the same time and for the same reason. Luke is supposedly protecting an old Sith tomb. He can’t open it, but it contains some kind of ancient evil, and he is tormented by what are described as spirits, and that’s part of why we’ve heard he looks so ragged and crazy. He is in hiding for much of The Force Awakens.

While Luke doesn’t know how to open the tomb, the evil Kylo Ren does. He collects Sith artifacts because he knows one of them serves as the key to a “Pandora’s Box of evil.” By now we’ve all heard about how a lightsaber kicks off this adventure, and it sounds like this is the item that serves as the key, and that it is in Rey’s possession. She is also reportedly Han and Leia’s daughter, which is something that I think most of us already assumed. Like any good father, Han is reluctant to let his daughter get involved in this mess.

There are also some potentially interesting tidbits about the state of the galaxy in a post-Return of the Jedi world. We’ve heard that the Rebel Alliance has essentially become the government, but that there is still a smaller, less powerful Empire contingent out there. Domhnall Gleeson’s character, reportedly the son of “a huge character,” was a rebel, but has now defected to the Empire because he learned that the “good guys” are building a secret weapon of mass destruction. Then again, so is the Empire, and it sounds like he is on his own mission to destroy them both.

In addition to all of this, it’s starting to become clear how many of the new characters are connected. Rey is reportedly in love with Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac), though dad does not approve. Finn (John Boyega), is reportedly a pacifist who is conscripted into the stormtroopers after his whole family is killed. He sees his best friend die in front of him and runs away. At one point he and Poe are in the brig on a star destroyer after being caught, where they formulate a plan to steal a TIE Fighter and escape. Though they have an adversarial relationship at first, it sounds like they’re on the fast track to becoming lifelong BFFs, kind of like Luke and Han. Finn is also apparently terrible with a blaster—a nod to stormtroopers being the worst shots in the universe—but can handle a lightsaber better than your average bear.

Both Gleeson and Gwendoline Christie’s characters hunt Finn, though for different reasons. As we’ve heard, she is reportedly the lead trooper, and “uses a lightsaber, is arrogant, demeaning, and kills indiscriminately.” Sounds like a nice lady.

Like I said, it’s all starting to come together. Whether or not any of this is true, who knows. Then again, I don’t really care, as I just kind of enjoy hearing everyone’s favorite wild theories, though I don’t put much stock in any of them. We won’t really know anything for certain until December 18, which is getting closer and closer every day.

Comments

  1. Brian says:

    This is not ruin your day, Luke being a Sith cyborg is ruin is your day 😉

    The only thing that doesn’t make sense to me about this is why would Luke’s old lightsaber be the key to the Sith Pandora’s Box O’Evil?

    • Mandalore2280 says:

      Could be something like a prophecy. Like the only thing that opens the door is a lightsaber made by a Jedi but turned Sith, which would be Anakin (since Luke’s blue lightsaber was Anakin’s).
      Grasping at straws here but an idea.

    • Orcus says:

      Although prior rumors mentioned Luke’s Lightsaber, this rumor didn’t. Maybe something changed since the first round of rumors?

  2. Mandalore2280 says:

    This…is…actually better than I thought. Not too bad if the basic story structure holds true. I really like the idea of a character going after Sith artifacts, makes the whole struggle seem more ageless and epic, not to mention feel like the Old Republic stories.

    • TBird73 says:

      I second that. Sounds like at least some thought is being put into the story. One can only hope anyway.

  3. Freaking Hassle says:

    jive – verb
    : to say foolish or deceptive things to (someone)
    : to dance to or play jive music

    jibe – verb
    : to be in accord
    : agree

  4. Guest says:

    Then they find out the light side and dark side of the force is the same thing.