Since it only lasted 14 episodes, Joss Whedon’s Firefly has become elevated to legendary status by its devoted fans. While the show is a damn near perfect run of television, its few flaws are easy to overlook simply because it is what it is, and we probably won’t ever get any more of it. But what if we did? While fans (and fan fiction writers) will likely continue imagining the five-year Firefly run of their dreams, we do at least have some concrete news about one particular episode that could have been, courtesy of the brain of one Alan Tudyk.
Tudyk, of course, played Hoban “Wash” Washburne: ace space pilot, dinosaur enthusiast, and occasional leaf on the wind. According to castmate Nathan Fillion, the man who put the tight pants in Captain Tightpants, many of the actors pitched their own ideas for episodes, but Alan Tudyk was particularly prolific on that front. And Alan’s ideas tended to be…outside the box. Speaking to Entertainment Weekly, Fillion revealed the Alan Tudyk-scripted Firefly that could have been. Brace yourself…
Alan Tudyk definitely pitched the most episodes. He had a great one where there were some criminals who engage in illegal dogfights, and there was a planet where one side of the planet was perpetual night. They had these big, feral dogs there that were so mean and awful, and we had to go out and trap them. We had this dog [pheromone] of some kind, and Jayne was messing around, and splat!, the thing bursts and we’re all covered in this [pheromone]. So we have to run back to the ship with these feral dogs chasing us, and we get the dogs back to the hold of the ship, and we’re safe. But in the journey back to get them back to the criminals, River comes in, communes with the dogs, and domesticates them. So now they’re the same dogs, just nice.
Fillion wasn’t the only one to reference Tudyk’s wild ideas. Jewel Staite, aka Kaylee, added, “This is the stuff that Alan thinks about.Dog fights, mustaches, and tattoos. He’s a strange man.”
This is simply too cruel. It’s bad enough only having 14 episodes of Firefly (and a movie). But to also know that Fox’s premature cancellation also deprived us of magical episodes involving dog fights, mustaches, and tattoos? A pox on you, Fox Executives! A terrible, terrible pox!
Assuming you’re not still in mourning over this unkind news, you can watch the Firefly: Browncoats Unite 10th anniversary special Sunday night, Nov. 11th, on the Science Channel.