Everyone stop what you’re doing and pay very close attention! Today’s Cross the Streams, beyond a slew of awesome space-related material, has brought a true celebrity to the proceedings. I’m not talking Tom Cruise or Nick Frost. I’m talking Vanilla Ice. Go ninja, go ninja, go! It doesn’t get better than this, folks. But first…
Futurama: Season 10 (Netflix Instant)
Sad news, everyone! Futurama is no more, since the powers that be at Comedy Central were perfectly happy to piss fans off by splitting two seasons up over multiple years and then cancelling it. But now the entire series is available to watch on Netflix now that the second part of the seventh season has been added. (Pay no attention to that “10th season” business.) While it has its share of weak moments, this half-season marked the return of Calculon, Günter the monkey, and Fry’s dog. There are also spoofs of Scooby-Doo and G.I. Joe, Flatland references and a series finale that is touching, interesting, and hilarious all at once, and which features one of the strangest weddings in TV history. R.I.P. Futurama, until FXX or IFC decides to put forth the money to bring it back once more.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (Amazon Prime Instant)
Since there’s no possible way a Michael Bay-produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles can possibly be better than this film, either in terms of story and insanity, we might as well just keep the 22-year-old Secret of the Ooze on repeat. The fearsome foursome team up with a pizza delivery guy (natch) to take down Shredder and the industrial complex that created the ooze that gave the Turtles their mutated existence, plus they all rock out at a Vanilla Ice concert while a mutant snapping turtle and wolf wreak havoc. If you’ve ever wanted to see sausages used as nunchucks or consider what life would be like living in an abandoned train station, then look no further. Did I mention Vanilla Ice was in this?
Vanilla Sky (Amazon Prime Instant)
The second team-up between director Cameron Crowe and megastar Tom Cruise was about as different from Jerry McGuire as one could imagine, focusing on a masked Cruise talking to a subdued Kurt Russell-as-psychiatrist, telling him the story of his facial injuries. It includes some infidelity with Cameron Diaz and Penélope Cruz, as well as a cryogenic company that gives people pseudo-immortality through dreamstates. It’s a brainburner that polarized audiences upon its release, but I quite enjoy the story’s lack of simplicity. Plus, anyone who hates Cruise is sure to enjoy seeing him get all fucked up in the face.
Hyperdrive: Seasons 1 and 2 (Hulu Plus)
If you like Red Dwarf, then you’re sure to think that Hyperdrive is a poor imitation, despite having The World’s End star Nick Frost at the helm of the HMS Camden Lock. The show is less interested in big-stakes space battles and more interested in Cadet Balls, but it does get more interesting as the series goes on. Although I’m actually not sure if I ever finished watching them all. Darn.
Journey of the Universe: An Epic Story of Cosmic, Earth and Human Transformation (Netflix Instant) and The Planets (Hulu Plus)
Now it’s time to open your mind for an exploration of both the universe and mankind via an intriguing documentary from Yale’s Mary Evelyn Tucker and evolutionary philosopher Brian Thomas Swimme. Along with gorgeous locations, you’ll see modern science adapted to ancient thought about our place in the universe, as well as the universe itself. And once that’s over, go flying off into space with the BBC’s The Planets, which may have been produced back in 1999 but still holds up beautifully, as most of the footage was attained from NASA.
Stephen Hawking’s Grand Design (Netflix Instant)
This two episode quasi-series looks into the meaning of life through our own reality, as well as the secrets of the universe through string theory. With Hawking involved, you know you’ll have to pay attention, and it’s well worth the effort. Plus, it’s all narrated by Benedict “ret-Khan” Cumberbatch. For whatever reason, Netflix has this listed as a second season, even though there was only one season. And they didn’t even add the third episode. Better fix yourself up, Netflix.
James May on the Moon and James May at the Edge of Space (Hulu Plus)
I hope you’re still interested in human’s quest to conquer space and all that jazz, because cosmos buff and Top Gear host James May is here to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the moon landing. Plus, he trains and takes a flight 70,000 feet in the air to the edge of outer space. If only they’d have added his Big Ideas special as well.
Zombie Hunter (Netflix Instant)
Now that we’ve gotten all that smart stuff out of the way, it’s time to give the brain a rest by watching Danny Trejo murder zombies while driving a Camaro in a world where the street drug Natas (see what they did there?) has turned the population into a bunch of flesh-eating monsters. And when you’re done with this admittedly schlocky film, head on over to Japan’s Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead for a far more disgusting take on the undead. In fact, watch it first so you can erase some of those images from your brain before bed.
If all of this isn’t enough to tide you over, feel free to check out the over-the-top batshittery of American Horror Story: Asylum, which awkwardly loops aliens into a plot involving crazy people and religion. You won’t be disappointed. Or you will. Whatever. See you next time!