Unless you’re a masochist like me, genuinely invested in the never-ending stream of found-footage flicks being made on the cheap, you probably didn’t pay much attention to Dale Fabigar and Everette Wallin’s sci-fi thriller Area 407 when it came out last year. Congratulations to everyone that applies to, because it was a pretty terrible use of everyone’s time and money. But I don’t think anyone watching it at any point said to themselves, “The reason why Area 407 isn’t the Citizen Kane of our generation is because there aren’t any zombies in it to go along with the dinosaurs.” And yet, Area 407 Part Two exists. And its existence isn’t just a technicality, as in, “One guy named his dog Area 407 Part Two.” No, a group of people actually wrote, directed, acted in, and put together a sequel to the first film.
As you can tell from the above trailer, it looks like the final product will be just as awful as the idea behind it. Here are some facts that are arguably more interesting than the movie itself. The video was uploaded to YouTube on March 31 by someone with the name “nommo23,” and it’s the only video that comes up for Area 407 Part Two. And it has only 6,201 views, which is far too low for a film like this in a world that celebrates D-movies. The video isn’t even on its IMDb page, which, incidentally, still says the film is in pre-production, even though it was updated a few days after the trailer was uploaded. And you think to yourself, maybe this is all part of the mystery, this subtle form of viral marketing…but then there’s this poster.
And while it probably isn’t the final poster or anything, it’s far beyond clear no one gives a shit how this thing is marketed.
Directed by Zombie Strippers‘ Jay Lee and co-written by producer Suzanne DeLaurentiis and actor John Timmons, Area 407 Part Two seems to take place almost immediately after the events of the first film, since that’s where the first 30 seconds of footage from the trailer originates. Trish (Abigail Schrader) is “rescued” by a guy who doesn’t realize that the place they’re in, Area 407, is far more dangerous than anyone could have imagined. Not only has the government been breeding dinosaurs, but they send undead military men into the area to test the predatory skills of the dinosaurs.
Truth be told, I would rather watch a political drama about the process of government decision-making involved with getting this project off the ground. The exposition-spewing Man in Black is quite possibly the worst thing I’ve seen in a movie this year. I’ll watch zombies and dinosaurs hunting humans all day long, with a minimal amount of complaining, but the only reason I really want to watch Area 407 Part Two is to see this guy get eaten to death.
While there isn’t a release date on the trailer, IMDb has it coming out in November. You can watch the first movie here on Netflix.