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Repel The Undead With Anti-Zombie Perfume

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Zombie

I’m not saying everything that happens in zombie fiction is true or anything, but it seems pretty clear that a lot of rash decision making will have to be made on a regular basis. Just in case it becomes clear that zombies do indeed use their olfactory powers in order to differentiate between us and them, you’ll want to have something on hand to thwart and confuse them. And what you’re wanting, Demeter Fragrance Library is selling.

For a limited time, until April 30th, you can visit Demeter Fragrances and order your very own bottle of Zombie For Him and For Her, which can “make the dead simply pass by without offending.” Get one ounce for $20, or four ounces for $40. Assuming you’re into stockpiling fragrances you’ll never have any need for beyond kitsch value, that’s a corpse-raising steal!

Demeter is no stranger to eccentric and exotic aromas, having already introduced products that smell like banana flambee, whiskey tobacco, cannabis flower, and espresso. But the concoction created for that particular zombie flavor is still rather surprising and disgusting. The male version, for which you should “think forest floor,” is made from dried leaves, mushrooms, mildew, moss, and earth. For her, there is a lighter version of the men’s that includes a touch of dregs scraped from a wine barrel, “for that feminine touch.”

I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be turning these zombies on or off anymore. This whole apocalypse thing has my head scrambled. Perhaps I’ll waste the rest of my existence huffing away at some of Demeter’s other choices, like vinyl, thunderstorm, paperback, or pruning shears.

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