Tom Brady Is The Next Big Stand-Up Comedian?

Fresh off the success of 80 for Brady, Tom Brady is now trying to become a stand-up comic.

By Jonathan Klotz | Updated

80 For Brady

After finally bringing his career as the greatest NFL player of all time to a close, Tom Brady is set to embark on a new career, no matter how many friends and family try to stop him from making a horrible mistake. RadarOnline reports that the best quarterback to lace up is delaying his multi-million dollar FOX Sports contract to become a stand-up comic. Brady may be about to fail harder than he did in the 2008 Super Bowl.

According to RadarOnline, an anonymous source said, “Tom was a terrific quarterback, but he needs to toss this idea before it’s too late.” Adding we “As a comic — he’s strictly a water boy,” this unnamed source names who to blame for putting the thought into Tom Brady’s head that he’s funny enough to be up on stage. The cast of 80 for Brady, some of the funniest women in movie history, “gushed” over him.

80 for Brady, which was not a Dorito’s commercial as originally thought when the first trailer dropped, follows four lifelong friends played by the legendary Rita Moreno, Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, and Sally Field, that travel to Super Bowl LI and enjoy a weekend filled with inexplicable cameos en route to the greatest comeback in sports history. While it’s easy to make fun of a film such as this, which only tries to be a funny, feel-good movie with very low stakes, it’s also the type of movie that needs to exist to support movie theaters, but if it’s responsible for a Tom Brady stand-up career, mock away.

The small role in the film allegedly went to Brady’s head and made him think he could walk in the footsteps of Chris Rock, George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Sarah Bailey, Robin Williams, and Joan Rivers. Another source apparently shared one of his jokes: “What did the linebacker say to the flight attendant? Put me in coach!”

80 For Brady
Rita Moreno, JAne Fonda, Lily Tomlin, and Sally Field in 80 for Brady

Material like that is enough to make Tom Brady think he should post-pone a $375 million-dollar contract to terrorize Tampa Bay open mic nights. With that sort of joke, the former Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback will fit right in alongside “the guy with the same five minutes of material every week” and “comic with the really horrible stage name” as they all perform at the night club that is really just a coffee shop. Comedy isn’t easy and is best left to the professionals.

Allegedly, the move is also a last-minute bid to try and win back his ex-wife, supermodel Giselle Bundchen, following their divorce last year. Middle-aged men that suddenly find themselves divorced have done much worse things than take up stand-up comedy, like suddenly developing an interest in military history or deciding to become a pilot.

Other athletes that have had bit parts in movies have gone on to attempt acting careers, famously including OJ Simpson and the constant stream of professional wrestlers becoming actors. For every one Terry Crews, there are a hundred Howie Longs; yes, the long-time broadcaster once tried to be an action star in Broken Arrow and Firestorm. Tom Brady is making the same mistake Long did following his retirement from football, and for the good of all fans of comedy, he needs to be stopped.