No matter how old we get, most of us will always be consumers of products that we love and feel a connection with. They can be new and never before seen, like a PS4, or they can be things that hearken back to our youth, like boxers with Tasmanian Devils on them. But Kraft has gone in a completely radical and ostentatious direction with their Vanilla Ice-filled commercial for the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles-shaped Macaroni & Cheese. Or should I say, Attack-aroni & Cheese. (Ad execs, hit me up.)
The ad features Vanilla Ice stocking grocery store shelves — already an indicator of the hilarity to follow — and singing the “Ninja Rap” song that took the world by storm when he performed it near the climax of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze. I’m honestly surprised more commercials haven’t used it as a jingle. Anyway, up walks a mother and her snot-eating son who apparently doesn’t understand celebrities and classic hits. When his mom grabs a box from Vanilla Ice, the spirit of the Hype Dance God is passed into her fingertips and she can’t stop herself from flailing her arms and grooving to music that probably isn’t playing inside the actual grocery store. And what does her son do? Snatches the box and sulks off down the aisle. He didn’t get the spirit passed into him, because he’s just a future Foot Clan douchebag. The “word to his mother” should have been “abort.” Zing!
We’re used to vintage commercials, but it’s something else entirely when the past creeps its way into a modern commercial. Especially when that past involves Vanilla Ice rapping again. Check out the behind-the-scenes look at the making of the commercial, which is full of dance moves and even has a few lyrics from the song. Unfortunately, they don’t explain why they didn’t make the cheese green to match the look of the Turtles. Feels like a missed opportunity.
Seeing all those Mac & Cheese boxes looks like a Magic Eye illusion. If you look hard enough, you can see Suge Knight holding Vanilla Ice off of a hotel balcony. If you’re looking for another way to jumpstart your nostalgia for the late 1980s and early 1990s, head over to Dallas this weekend for the completely crowdfunded event called Jared’s Epic Party 2014, which will feature Vanilla Ice actually performing the Ninja Rap onstage while men in Ninja Turtles costumes dance around him! There will also be performances from Tone Loc, Young MC, Rob Base, Coolio, and more, as well as a life-size Turtle Party Wagon and the Back to the Future movie-accurate Delorean. Will Tokka and Rahzar be there? We’ll have to wait to find out.