Jurassic Park: Everything Wrong With It In Three Minutes’ Time

By Nick Venable | Updated

This article is more than 2 years old

Anybody badmouthing Steven Spielberg’s Jurassic Park around these parts is going to get a face full of glares and tsks. I’m not a card-carrying member of its ridiculously large fanbase, but it’s even hard for me to imagine a film whose story and heart equaled the unparalleled spectacle of the special effects. Just because it didn’t feature a full five-minute scene of Sam Neill laughing maniacally into the camera doesn’t have to be a bad thing, I guess.

But cherishing a movie isn’t the same thing as calling that movie a perfect slice of entertainment. And as the guys from the CinemaSins YouTube channel have shown us in the above video, Jurassic Park is anything but perfect. We love CinemaSins here on GFR because their subject matter sticks to sci-fi, even though they inevitably stick it to sci-fi, but many of their “sins” are mostly jokes and silly observations about the films themselves. Here, though, there are quite a few daffy continuity mistakes and other errors that make dinosaur clones seem downright realistic. I mean, they didn’t even spell Stegosaurus or Tyrannosaurus correctly. Maybe they thought those dinosaur names were copyrighted material.

While I don’t see anything wrong with Laura Dern letting kids run off into dangerous situations — since I was hoping the entire film that the kids would somehow become dino-chow — there is something so goddamned funny about Grant having a tabloid on his fridge reading “Space Aliens Stole My Face.” You can’t make that shit up. It is telling, though, that this was only a three-minute video, whereas a complete fiasco like Battleship got a video twice as long.

And since we aren’t going to get that Jurassic Park IV anytime soon, you might as well just watch the Battleship video below.