Ah, another day, another slice of casting news from J.J. Abrams’ Star Wars: Episode VII, a movie that will probably have its own version of the Internet by the time it gets released. But the latest news doesn’t involve Chiwetel Ejiofor or any other big movie stars. It involves you. (Assuming you’re not a big movie star.) Disney is widening their search for newbie actors to play two young characters and will be accepting online auditions from anyone around the world. Do you have what it takes to continue keeping Hayden Christensen in his place as the worst Star Wars actor out there?
They decided to go the Internet route after an audition in Bristol had to turn away hundreds of people at the door, which led to some highly upset potential Jedi. So now anyone who thinks they have the goods can just go to this website for Cast It Talent and upload a video audition for one of the two roles previously mentioned in reports.
The character of “Rachel” — almost certainly not her final name — needs to be a beautiful, smart, and athletic female around 17 or 18 years old. Of course! She is an orphan who had to turn street smart, with a sense of humor to match her bravery. Essentially, all they need to write is “female Star Wars character” and all the descriptions just fit into place. As if they’d ever ask for a “meek, ugly girl who has allowed life to walk all over her.” That’s not how it works.
But the male character, “Thomas,” who needs to be a smart, handsome, athletic 19-23 year old, also needs to be capable and courageous, but not that much, since he grew up without a father and isn’t a pillar of masculinity. I will bet my house that he finds his way and becomes the strongest one of all by the credits.
Is it worth noting that the female details say that any ethnicity will be accepted, while it doesn’t say that at all for the male? Nah.
There doesn’t appear to be an official deadline, as they just ask people to submit their auditions as soon as possible. Or perhaps you can just show up in person to upcoming live auditions in Chicago, Troy, Austin, and Nashville over the next two weeks. Over 4,000 descended upon the recent event in St. Louis, so keep that knowledge on top when considering making the trip. But just think, we might be reporting soon that you or one of your bitter enemies may have been cast.
As of now, Episode VII has set a December 18, 2015 release date, though that is subject to change. It’s all subject to change, like your underwear after you’ve pissed yourself laughing at the blooper reel below.