A Personal Message On Election Day

By Nick Venable | 8 years ago

Good day, American citizens. An important decision has been bestowed upon you for living in this noble land of unlimited opportunity. Some of you have already made your big decisions of the day, and some of you are waiting for the early lines to die down. Make no mistake, every vote does count, most importantly within oneself, because you should be proud for having the right to make that choice, to make your voice known in choosing the next President of the United States of America.

I am not asking you to decide one way or the other. President Barack Obama and Governor Mitt Romney have both gotten to where they are because of their strengths and ability to maneuver through the Rube Goldberg contraption that is the political machine.

I just ask that you consider a few things. We have heard for months about both candidate’s views on education, health care, the military, and other major issues. But the real discussions haven’t happened yet.

We have seen the government’s recent responses to national disasters ebb and flow, from terrible to effective hurricane relief, to lapsed treatment of a major oil spill. But what of any major volcanoes that are in major danger of erupting, thus setting off this year’s, nay, this century’s greatest ever chain of major disasters, including earthquakes and tidal waves? Will the president you choose run away from impending doom like a chicken, or will he stay behind to face the impending doom, almost also like a chicken?

We have seen NASA’s dominance fade, where privatized space exploration may soon thrive. So how will this next president handle himself when asteroids the size of at least one Texas are barreling straight towards Earth’s global warming-weakened atmosphere? Has a former president already stocked up gigantic nuclear weapons, or will our future elect be the one to set aside super-secret shuttle projects that can be used at the drop of a hat when it’s understood that the entire world will be be obliterated should that impossible-to-destroy asteroid hit?

We’ve seen toleration towards illegal immigrants grow increasingly hostile in this country, and talks of border walls are no longer as ludicrous as they once were. But we can’t build a fence or a wall in the sky, at least not without tons of lasers. How would our next president handle a sky full of unthinkably massive spaceships, themselves filled with extraterrestrial hostility? Would he be able to wrap his mind around sacrificing himself for his family, and his country, as the world burns around him, and all after delivering a schmaltz-ridden, YouTube-worthy speech ? And should the aliens actually come down and appear to be friendly, would our future elect actually believe that alien’s charming ways, giving himself up for a possible future sacrifice, all within a Tim Burton movie that doesn’t feature Johnny Depp?

I’m not trying to waste your time today. I’m just asking you to keep an open mind. Consider everything you’ve seen these candidates accomplish, and which one you’ve seen utter complete nonsense on a daily basis. This isn’t just our leader’s country. This is your country. Acknowledge this with a trip to the voting booth.

Leave A Comment With: