Few TV characters come across as more confident as Commander William T. Riker, the Star Trek: The Next Generation character that Jonathan Frakes made famous. Perhaps it’s something hiding in his signature beard. In any case, we now know some of the things that must have been floating around in his mind for all those years, thanks to a clever (and fake) Twitter account that offers insight into the things that Riker is searching for on Google. And yeah, some of it is total filth.
The plainly titled RikerGoogling has been active since February, but has seen a mere 96 tweets come through. This leads us to believe that either Riker already knows pretty much everything else, or he’s just going to Wikipedia for what he doesn’t. Unless there are RikerYahooing or RikerBinging accounts that I’m unfamiliar with.
Sure to keep his Googling on Incognito mode, Riker has searched for everything from the “heartbleed password change list” to “James Kirk wikipedia” to “Starfleet uniform upskirt video.” That last one is something that I might want to look up myself. Heyyyy. I’ll be at the “other” Laff Factory on Vulcan all week. What better way to get slightly creeped out by the curiosities of fictional characters.
Here’s “Riker’s” first tweet:
orion slave girl strip poker flash game
— Riker Googling (@RikerGoogling) February 13, 2014
And his most recent:
starship doors won't open
— Riker Googling (@RikerGoogling) May 7, 2014
And now a more random selection. Here are some more tech-friendly searches.
does relativity at warp speed delay snapchat image deletion
— Riker Googling (@RikerGoogling) May 3, 2014
phase coil injector troubleshooting
— Riker Googling (@RikerGoogling) March 4, 2014
phaser stun injury treatment testicle
— Riker Googling (@RikerGoogling) April 11, 2014
Amusing, right? Well, we all know the dirty ones are where it’s at. Riker may have had an exciting past, but it looks like his present is just as entertaining.
pandora station for background sex music
— Riker Googling (@RikerGoogling) March 30, 2014
how to clean stains off yellow lines on holodeck walls
— Riker Googling (@RikerGoogling) March 6, 2014
list of cultures without nudity taboo
— Riker Googling (@RikerGoogling) April 15, 2014
And one that kind of floats out there in space.
is it racist to be afraid of blue people?
— Riker Googling (@RikerGoogling) April 4, 2014
There are over 80 more bits of starfleeting laughter to cull from this account. So throw your leg up wherever you’d like and check them all out.