I prefer my caffeine delivered in oversized soda form, so I’ll admit I’m no expert when it comes to the inner workings of your average coffee shop. But based on the reactions of the poor schlubs in the above prank video, I’m guessing that most coffee runs don’t conclude with an enraged telekinetic unleashing invisible hell on her surroundings. Which is bad news for me, because that means I’ve got to scrap like three fourths of the telekinetic barista novel I’ve been working on.
Don’t worry, there’s no need to contact James Randi — this is all just a prank tied into the upcoming release of Sony’s Carrie remake. Based on the 1974 Stephen King novel, Carrie follows the titular teen, an awkward girl troubled by cruel peers and an abusive religious nut of a mother. Her problems become everybody’s problems when she suddenly begins developing telekinetic powers, and her X-men origin takes an ugly turn when she serves as the butt of a nasty prank at her prom, resulting in carnage aplenty.
Of course, many of the subjects of Carrie’s rage bring it on themselves, imparting the important life lesson: “Don’t torture people who might be harboring terrible psychic powers.” But here’s the problem: we may not have real telekinetic powers here in our world, but we do have things such as concealed handguns and heart attacks. Whenever we see one of these “scare the shit out of random people” pranks, I silently mark the tally on my mental “People Frightened Before One Of Them Opened Fire On A Room Full Of Actors” chart. I mean, I’ll admit it, the video made me chuckle, and I have to tip my hat to how well it was staged. But it only takes one time gone wrong for this kind of scenario to go very wrong. Let’s just hope the seemingly inevitable trigger-happy bystander is packing some pepper spray and not a .357 Magnum. (Of course, that’s assuming that all those people aren’t in on, which is entirely possible.)
Carrie opens in theaters on October 18, starring Chloë Grace Moretz, Julianne Moore, and Judy Greer. While we’re on the subject of scaring the bejeesus out of people just going about their day, here’s in my opinion the very best of the sub-genre, one which would have culminated in me clawing my way through the side of the elevator and tunneling through the building Bugs Bunny style.