Lightsabers For Grown-Up Playtime (And Grown-Up Sexytime)

By David Wharton | Updated

This article is more than 2 years old

Saber1Growing up may mean losing your innocence and at least some of your sense of wonder, but it does have its perks. We may not get endless summers spent running through the woods pretending we’re intrepid archaeologist/adventurers, but once you finally get a decent job, it means you’ve suddenly got cash to spend on all the crap you wanted but didn’t get when you were little. Case in point: these stunning custom-designed lightsaber props created by artist Roland Palotai.

These bad boys will take your cosplay to the next level, or at least look badass in a display case. They probably won’t be an impulse buy, however, because they aren’t cheap. If you’ve got the decent job but already have a spouse and/or kids, you may have missed the window of opportunity for spending extravagantly on frivolous trinkets. Meet me at the bar and we’ll raise a toast to our lost childhoods. No, just kidding, I get paid to write about lightsabers for a living, I’m doing fine. But let’s talk about you.

Growing up also means that you replace your old leisure-time activities with new ones. Perhaps you and your buddies take a fishing trip every year. Maybe you run a fantasy football league at the office. Or perhaps you and another consenting adult like to play spanky-time with a paddle emblazoned with the crest of the Galactic Empire. It’s cool, we’re not judging. Although I do now have the unshakable mental image of a guy shrink-wrapped in latex and pretending to be Han Solo frozen in carbonite. Where did I put my carafe of eye-bleach?


All your sexytime needs for an hourly motel room far, far away can be met by the folks at the Etsy Geek Kink page. And don’t worry: if Star Wars isn’t your bag, they’ve given a naughty spin to plenty of other childhood favorites as well. But stop looking at Teela that way, you pervert.

We’ll let you delve deeper into the Geek Kink catalog on your own, but we do have to admire the creativity behind the “lightsaber-inspired flogger.” An elegant weapon for a more civilized age…