Planes, Trains, & Automobiles Remake Happening Starring The Worst People Imaginable

Will Smith and Kevin Hart are teaming up to commit a crime against movies by remaking one of the greatest films of all time.

By Liana Keane | Published

This article is more than 2 years old

Planes, Trains, & Automobiles Remake

Will Smith and Kevin Hart are teaming up to commit a crime against movies by remaking one of the greatest films of all time. It’s also unquestionably the greatest Thanksgiving movie of all time. Yes, I’m talking about Planes, Trains, & Automobiles and they’re doing a Planes, Trains, & Automobiles remake.

The news of this piece of incoming sacrilege comes to us from Deadline where they don’t even seem to care that the resulting piece of remake flotsam will almost certainly tarnish the reputation of the original. That is, of course, what remakes always seem to do.

The original Planes, Trains, & Automobiles came from the mind of the late, great, filmmaking genius John Hughes and it starred the gone to soon John Candy and the still brilliant Steve Martin. They played a couple of random travelers thrust together by circumstance on a hellish journey through the bureaucracy and incompetence of the American travel system as it was in the late 80s.

Kevin Hart
Even Kevin Hart is confused as to why he’d do this

The new version will almost certainly be bogged down in dealing with annoying things like cell phones, which could straighten this whole travel kerfuffle out in three minutes. There’s also no chance in the world that either Will Smith or Kevin Hart will be able to pull off duplicating the heartfelt performance of John Candy, a performance all at once subtle, sweet, sad, and hilarious. Instead the movie will probably have a lot of yelling and high-fives, because those are the sorts of things that happen in modern buddy comedies.  

There was some yelling in Planes, Trains, & Automobiles but only along the way to gaining a greater understanding of someone totally different from yourself. I’m not sure what’s different about Will Smith and Kevin Hart, other than that one seems to be a smaller version of the other. I expect at least one scene where the pair sit around and compare workout regimens in their awful Planes, Trains, & Automobiles remake. 

The script for this impending assault on great art is being written by Aeysha Carr, a person who has never written a movie script before but has done some work on Brooklyn 99. This is the talent they’ve hired to rewrite a script by John freaking Hughes, one of the greatest screenwriters of all time at the peak of his powers. 

Really I question your sanity if you have any optimism at all about this or any Planes, Trains, & Automobiles remake. The only correct response to an insult of this magnitude is anger. This kind of anger…

Planes, Trains, & Automobiles remake

Planes, Trains, & Automobiles is one of those movies that should never, ever be touched. Put it on a shelf with movies like Back to the Future and The Princess Bride and then leave it the hell alone.  That’s what we should be doing.

Instead we’re getting an insulting remake which won’t even try to be as good. So to the people behind this Planes, Trains, & Automobiles remake there’s only really one thing to say: Go to hell.

Planes, Trains, & Automobiles remake