Literally Anybody Else Is Running For President, We’re Not Joking

By Jeffrey Rapaport | Published

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The 2024 presidential election is shaping up, for better or worse, to be utterly unique. And a new candidate throwing their hat in the ring makes that all the more certain. Indeed, in an extraordinary development, a Texas man has taken his dissatisfaction with the current political landscape to a new level by legally changing his name to Literally Anybody Else and announcing his candidacy for the nation’s highest office. 

Literally Anybody Else

Before running for President, the would-be Commander In Chief went by Dustin Ebey, who is a 35-year-old U.S. Army veteran and seventh-grade math teacher residing in the suburbs of Dallas. Obviously, Ebey’s inspired name change represents the deep, profound frustration facing Americans this November. As might be needless to say, many U.S. voters feel pinned between a rock and a hard place, forced to pick their poison. 

That is vote for either Donald Trump or Joe Biden.

The Two-Party System

Literally Anybody Else, it may be comforting (weirdly?) to know bears an actual Texas driver’s license with his new, incredible name. Obviously, Literally embodies a unique but relatable protest against what many understand to be a political system as polarizing as it is unproductive, dominated by two gargantuan parties uninterested in working together and perennially at each other’s throats. 

To hear this unorthodox new candidate tell it, the silent majority of Americans deserve more than their challenging binary option for President. In Ebey’s eyes—sorry, Literally Anybody Else’s eyes—the unending power struggle pitting Democrats against Republicans provides no actual benefit to the average American. Indeed, the math teacher’s campaign has little to do with his own personal ambition (if you couldn’t tell–talk about a long-shot candidate) and all to do with promoting the concept that virtually any other human would be a preferable alternative to the current political offerings. 

Rejecting The Status Quo

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Yes, the development seems straight out of a comedy, and we hope as much as anyone that Literally’s campaign picks up steam and we’re treated to a worthy Netflix adaptation. But to get there, the renegade politician has a steep hill to climb: to secure a place on the ballot, Literally Anybody Else must accrue 113,000 signatures from non-primary voters in Texas by May.

Still, the dark horse candidate is rallying support for other disaffected voters to pencil in his name, actualizing his candidacy as an alternative for those disillusioned with the traditional two-party candidates. The campaign ultimately comprises a massive rejection of the status quo that seeks to reverse the longstanding and unpopular tyranny of party partisanship over actual governance. 

Destroying The Establishment

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Ebey’s political tone is refreshingly severe despite the humorous nature of his name change. On his website, the maverick politician invites supports to “send the message to Washington and say, ‘You will represent or be replaced.'”

Literally Anybody Else’s sober, direct confrontation of the fundamental failure to do the bare minimum on behalf of those in power is undoubtedly refreshing. And it touches a nerve—one felt by millions of Americans forced into a painful either/or decision. 

Sure, as the 2024 presidential race heats up, Literally Anybody Else’s candidacy might be seen as a humorous footnote by some. Nonetheless, his efforts highlight a burgeoning resentment among countless Americans thirsting for more meaningful choices in their political leaders.