Empire Of The Apes Teaser May Be The Worst Movie Trailer Ever Made

By Nick Venable | 8 years ago

Part of what makes great cinema so memorable is the seemingly unending river of shit that you have to wade through to find it. For every great movie, there are 20 good ones, 40 bad ones, and 200 absolute wastes of space. Like Lloyd Kaufman and Roger Corman before him, George Anton of Anton Pictures is intent on getting as many movies out of an absent budget as he possibly can.

Case in point: the trailer from one of their latest productions, Empire of the Apes has hit their YouTube page, and boy does it make huffing gasoline look smart in comparison. If you aren’t completely sold by the superimposed text, “In a world where space rule,” then you, my friend, don’t have a pulse.

It looks as if MST3K somehow conjoined Wes Craven’s The Last House on the Left with the Battle of Endor. Every single moment in the trailer made me wish it didn’t happen, down to the lack of apes. Wait, does that mean I wish there were apes? I don’t even care. Apparently the comment section is being used as a gauge for whether or not to put the film up for free on the page. If they do it, I’ll review it for this website.

If you’re brave enough to endure another one of Anton Pictures’ neo-classics, check out this NSFW meditation on humanism.