Watch Every Original Star Wars Trilogy Death In 3 Minutes

By Nick Venable | 6 years ago

Think of all the non-perverse things that you normally get done in your day that take three minutes. You can make a sandwich, wash your hair, make a phone call, or even run in place before passing out due to a sheer lack of stamina and energy. (That last one might just be me.) Your best alternative to all of those things? Watching a bunch of Star Wars characters die one right after each other. Sure, you don’t get to see either Jar Jar or pre-helmet Anakin bite it, but it’s a sobering approach to the sci-fi classic.

The video was put together by the death-minded geniuses at Digg, who added the mash-up sounds of Girl Talk’s “Play Your Part (Pt. 1),” which doesn’t seem like it would be the perfect pairing for a bunch of blaster and lightsaber fatalities, but it’s pretty genius. The action falls right in with the drumbeats through much of the video, and Alderaan explodes right when the song opens up. I’m having trouble believing that Digg wasn’t somehow partly responsible for George Lucas putting all of these things in his movie specifically to match this song over 35 years later.

Like a “Guess How Many Jellybeans in the Jar” challenge, it would be a nice dinner party game (if you have terrible dinner parties) to “Guess the Number of Dead Star Wars Characters in the First Three Films.” And then you can laugh in everyone’s face after they forget that Alderaan exploding took out two billion citizens. I don’t even think I was ready for that many people to be living within the Death Star. I’m sure not ALL of them were so evil that their fates had to be sealed this way, but they knew what they signed on for.

It is interesting to see just how much violence the “good guys” bring to this. Sure Darth Vader wiped out a whole planet, but that happened over there, where we couldn’t see everyone dying singularly. The urge to kill anything that moves is seemingly just embedded into the Skywalker DNA.

For those of you who never got the perverse thoughts out of your head since the beginning of this article, Digg also has a supercut that brings together a bunch of times that Louis C.K. talks about dicks. It’s funnier than watching people die.

Does anybody think that J.J. Abrams’ Star Wars: Episode VII will host this many unbloodied corpses? I like to think it’ll be a more saccharine affair, but I’m certainly hoping to be surprised. Is there room in the Star Wars universe for the Wookiee Centipede: Full Sequence?

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