This Video Shows You Everything Wrong With John Carter

By Brent McKnight | Published

John Carter was a rather sizeable flop when it came out a little less than three years ago. Sure, earning $73 million domestically ($284 million world wide) sounds like a lot of money, but when your movie costs $250 million, that’s not exactly what the studio hoped for. It doesn’t help matters that it was critically savaged upon release, and that, coupled with Battleship essentially sunk Taylor Kitch’s shot at being a big time leading man, at least for the time being. As you can imagine, there are some serious problems with this movie, and Cinema Sins’ latest “Everything Wrong With…” video tackles this sci-fi opus.

Cards on the table, I haven’t actually watched John Carter. I missed it the opening weekend, and by the time I had the chance, the reviews were so bad that it just never became much of a priority (I’ve been waiting for it to drop on Netflix ever since). I read Edgar Rice Burrows’ Barsoom books as a kid, which are awesome, and Andrew Stanton directed WALL-E, which is amazing, but apparently that didn’t amount to much. As the video says, “John Carter is based on a beloved novel, had a huge budget, and was directed by one of Pixar’s best. And yet it’s still surprisingly sinful given those facts.”

If you’ve seen one of these videos, you know exactly what you’re in for. Some of the complaints appear to be legit, especially the startling coincidences that they point out, but after a while, they’re just stretching and this runs on way, way past the point of being charming or fun and steamrolls straight on through into annoying territory. This video doesn’t need to be 16-minutes-long, you get the point right away.

Still, they do make some good points. I especially like the one about how Bryan Cranston needs his own movie, not just to show up for ten minutes and then die, leaving the action to someone way less competent, just like in Godzilla.

So there you have it. Do you agree with their “sins” count, or do you think they’re nitpicking?