One of the biggest issues plaguing mankind since the beginning of time is figuring out the perfect way to advertise a movie featuring Optimus Prime riding a robot dinosaur, and it looks like director Michael Bay has finally figured out the right approach. The trick is to pack around two minutes and fifteen seconds of glorious CGI destruction in before you bring out the giant fire-breathing dragon-bot, and then you end the trailer just as people are starting to rethink whether or not Bay is an action savant. This is how you do it, kids. This is Transformers: Age of Extinction.
I’m not what anyone would call a hardcore Transformers fan, but I can’t deny that I would instantly and gleefully throw caution to the wind to go and see this madness played out on the big screen. I didn’t hate the franchise’s first entry, but I couldn’t make it through the second two films. I’m not going to rail against them or anything, but suffice to say if we have to sit through more of Bay’s mechanized mayhem, I’m overwhelmingly pleased to have Mark Wahlberg leading the action this time rather than the insufferable Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox. Because this movie definitely needs a human to anchor it all, right?
Sort of. For me, the main reason to have actual people is so you can give audiences scenes like this, in which a man gets hit in the face with the spinning tire of an airborne vehicle. IN THE FACE!
Wahlberg plays an inventor with the impeccable name Cade Yeager, who unwittingly awakens Optimus Prime once his vehicle form is brought in for repairs. (Or whatever.) You see, the Transformers have been in hiding for a while, given humanity has turned against them following the destruction of the past few films. Isn’t it true that humanity always hates that which is over 10 times our size and made entirely out of weapons?
Antagonism arrives in the form of shadowy government suits played by Stanley Tucci and Kelsey Grammer, and then the Decepticons come down and destroy nearly everything. Did you know that a good way to make Optimus Prime stumble is by dropping a cruise ship around his face? Another way to draw the red-white-and-bluish bot’s attention is to form a gun with your face and start firing.
To help save mankind, not to mention Cade and his daughter Tessa (Nicola Peltz), Optimus Prime reverses the titular extinction and brings about the highly anticipated big-screen debut of the Dinobots. Because seriously, in a summer of Godzilla, time-traveling X-Men, a planet of apes, Hercules, whatever Jupiter Ascending is, and Guardians of the Galaxy, you need to have Dinobots just to stay ahead of the game.
Take a peek at one of the upcoming Dinobot toys, whose name is Slag. He’s certainly got a lot of…oddly shaped protrusions going on there. I guess they’re swords, but they won’t be winning any sword lookalike contests.
He turns into this.
Science, right? This fella below is Snarl, in his dino and ‘bot forms.
Experience the Decepticons’ widespread destruction when Transformers: Age of Extinction hits theaters on June 27.