“All this green in my pockets, you can call me Turtle Power.”
Last week, we posted the video for Epic Rap Battles of History’s match-up between the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and their Renaissance artist namesakes, and briefly went over the history of the Turtles’ association with rap music. (Because nothing says bitches and blunts like mutated reptiles.) A new TV spot has surfaced that not only features a couple of pretty decent-looking action sequences, but it also delivers our first good listen to the film’s soundtrack. And it sounds like this: “Bowwm bowwm, clack. Bowwm bowwm, clack.”
Rap superstars Juicy J, Wiz Khalifa, and Ty Dolla $ign teamed up with Kill the Noise and Madsonik in knock-knocking down all forms of street legitimacy with “Shell Shocked,” the next chapter in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Wordsmiths’ Book of Rhyme. The Atlantic Records track is presumably the first single off of the soundtrack for Jonathan Liebesman’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. If this is indicative of what else can be found on this album, the speakers of the Party Wagon will be banging all around New York City. Turtle down for what?!?
Honestly, the song isn’t all that terrible, especially when compared to the Partners in Kryme and Vanilla Ice TMNT fare. Plus, these guys wisely stay away from making overly blatant references to the Turtles and their shenanigans. It’s mostly about brotherhood and keeping close to the fam, although saying that one has someone’s back like a turtle shell is probably a little on the nose. (Since the Turtles now have noses and lips and everything now.) You can tell this is a song that is partially aimed at children, since there’s no F-bombs and Wiz Khalifa doesn’t compare the Turtles being green to weed in any way.
But enough about the music. What about that extended TV spot? If you’re already dead set against this movie, nothing about this trailer is going to win you over. I’m personally at an irony-laden plateau of complacency with how terrible this movie is going to be, and now I cannot wait to see it for all the wrong reasons. Still, I chuckled when Michelangelo said they could still have “adult conversations” even though they were teenagers, and some of the set pieces appear exhilarating. Groaners like “Please keep your arms and legs inside the shell at all times,” don’t even bother me as much as they should. What is happening to me, people?
Starring Megan Fox, William Fichtner, Will Arnett, Whoopi Goldberg, and a stacked selection of voice talent, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles presents the fearsome foursome with a new origin and a new version of their evil nemesis Shredder. In fact, just about everything surrounding this movie is new except for the fanboy rage against it. The Turtles have to, like, save the city and stuff. Pizza is eaten. Action ensues. Now, back to the music.
You can find Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in theaters, or lurking in the sewers beneath them, on August 8.