It’s Valentine’s Day weekend, and unless you want to spend the rest of the year sleeping on the couch, odds are you’re making plans to woo the special lady in your life. Or if you are that special lady, you’re making plans to sit back and be wooed. It’s good to be a woman. Love isn’t easy and, no matter how hard we try, things don’t always go as planned. But no matter how your Valentine’s Day turns out, find solace in this simple fact: It could be worse. At least your significant other doesn’t have tentacles. These are the strangest romances in science fiction.
Starman: Jenny Loves An Alien Replica Of Her Husband
In Starman an alien (Jeff Bridges) comes to Earth and, discovering a lock of hair from a woman’s dead husband, decides to re-create himself in her deceased lover’s image. Jenny (Karen Allen) sees him and, confused and conflicted, befriends him. She helps him on his journey to leave Earth and return home, and in the process falls in love with him. But is she in love with the creature who’s impersonating the man she once loved, or is has she convinced herself that the alien is some recreation of the man she misses? Maybe it’s a little of both, but once her star man leaves the planet, this widow’s going to need a lot of therapy.
Star Trek: The Motion Picture: Decker Loves Ilia
In Star Trek: The Motion Picture Commander William Decker is in love with a Deltan named Iia. That should be a lot of fun, since Deltans are known for their extreme sexuality, in fact they’re so sexed up they’re forced to take an oath of celibacy before joining Starfleet, we humans just can’t handle their brand of wild sex. But soon things between Decker and Ilia get even more extreme when she’s killed by and then resurrected by the super-powered alien probe V’Ger. Ilia becomes an extension of V’Ger which, incidentally is actually a space probe named Voyager launched by NASA back in 20th Century. Yet Decker’s love for her remains, and so in love is the Enterprise’s first officer that he eventually he gives up his life to merge with V’Ger and Ilia, thus becoming a bizarre NASA, Deltan, Human hybrid. I guess the sex was that good.
Avatar: Jake Sully Loves Neytiri
It’s impossible to make this list without mentioning Avatar in which a paraplegic Earth soldier journeys to an alien planet, wanders into a neon jungle, and falls in love with a blue cat people princess. But that’s just the tip of their romantic weirdness. Jake Sully falls in love with Neytiri while wearing a fake body, and eventually has sex with her by sticking his braids inside her. He’s then so in love with this non-human creature that he betrays the human race to be with her, and in the end he murders himself to give up his human body and become a blue cat person himself, all so he can spent the rest of his life having braid sex and living off meat which he has to feel guilty about killing. It’s all for Neytiri. Have you seen her? Pretty hot. I’d say it was worth it.
Tron: Tron Loves Yori
Who’d have thought computer programs had feelings? In Tron, a videogame’s in love with a router when the titular computer program Tron rescues another computer program named Yori and stops to make out with her before heading off to destroy the MCP. Just to had a whole layer of strangeness to their affair, both Tron and Yori bear a strange resemblance to the real world humans who wrote them and who, incidentally, also happen to be dating. Can love be hardwired into a program or is this just some weird coincidence? And when I turn my computer on this Valentine’s Day does that mean Photoshop may be secretly dating Quickbooks behind my back?
Enemy Mine: Bromance Love Child
Enemy Mine may be the only bromance ever to result in a pregnancy. In a far off future, soldier Willis Davidge (Dennis Quaid) crash-lands on an alien planet, where he discovers the only other survivor is an alien of the species he’s been fighting. Marooned with no hope of rescue, they’re forced to band together to survive. As time wears on they overcome their prejudices against each other to become close friends, companions. And that’s when things get weird. Willis’ new alien best buddy Jerry may be a man, but suddenly he’s pregnant. It results in an alien baby and when Jerry dies, Willis is left caring for his bromance love child. He does, raising the alien child as his own.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Ben Loves Daisy
Benjamin Button presents a romance so confusing it’ll make your head spin. A boy is born as an old man who gets younger as he ages. As an elderly cripple he plays with a little girl and they grow up, or as it may be in his ungrow together. When they’re teenagers they date, and eventually they develop a life together and fall in love. And as they fall in love she ages and he continues to de-age until for a few magical years they actually sync up. He middle-aged and she as well. But it can’t last and she keeps growing holder while he grows younger. And in the end she lies somewhere alone on her death bed while he, a young boy, has forgotten the life he had and the woman he loved.
Weird Science: Build Your Own Supermodel
If you can’t find a date, make one. It works for two dateless and desperate teenage nerds in Weird Science who, tired of living without romantic possibilities, stick bras on their heads, hook a computer up to a Barbie doll, and set to work their own supermodel. They succeed in creating the perfect woman, and she’s super hot. But it’s not without complications. Their babe-arific creation has a mind of her own and, while she may not have the wild orgy with them they’d hope for, she helps them build up their confidence until they can find more realistic dating options. Feeling lonely? Fire up your computer and hit the “hot babe” button.
Star Wars: Luke Loves Leia
A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away two people accidentally commit incest and no one seems to talk about it. Come on, it’s pretty obvious that Luke has a serious thing for Leia, and as she thrusts her bosom into his body to swing across that chasm in A New Hope you can just bet that Luke Skywalker has a Jedi-sized boner underneath that tunic. Neither has any idea that they’re related, so maybe you can’t blame them, but the Star Wars saga seems to gloss over just how weird their relationship is. There’s obviously something between them before Leia eventually changes gears and latches on to Han Solo. Just how far did it go? What’s been happening between them off camera? Gross.