Do you love Star Wars? Do you like dressing up? Do you enjoy making the people around you uncomfortable? Well, have I got something for you: full-body spandex costumes of your favorite Star Wars characters. And yes, that is exactly what it sounds like, and they are precisely as awkward and icky as you imagine. Perhaps even more so.
These are probably a godsend for those costume party goers who were too lazy to put together a proper outfit ahead of time, and who have neither shame nor body-image issues. The real question is, where do you put your keys and wallet? The Boba Fett offering has pockets, and the Chewbacca outfit comes with a little holster, but they’re both painted on, and won’t do much good when it comes to storage purposes. If neither of those do it for you, you also have the option to buy Darth Vader or Darth Maul, at least if you feel like indulging your inner Sith lord. They’re available now for pre-order.
Even more disturbing than the second-skin nature of the costumes, worse than putting your junk on display for the whole world to see, is that face that Chewbacca is making. It looks like an insane, furry drag queen is trying to pick a fight with you.
I also feel like using footy-pajama technology like they do is a detriment to overall functionality. Odds are, you’re not going to want to take off your shoes at a party, public or private, and unless you already have some footwear that matches your outfit—which you very well might—you’ll have to improvise. And what distracts more from your costume or your crotch thunder than an out-of-place pair of high-tops?
Just in case you haven’t seen it yet, here’s Patton Oswalt’s improvised rant about what the plot of Star Wars: Episode VII should be.