If you live in the Denver area, you might want to lock your doors and keep an eye on your pets, because apparently there’s a six-foot lizard loose in the area. Yes, I said six freakin’ feet long. The 25-pound Nile monitor lizard named “Dino” was being kept as a pet by a Denver-area resident, but finally decided he’d had enough of captivity and that it was time for a good old-fashioned rampage. The critter then broke his leash and took off. This raises two possibilities: 1) either it was tied to a tree or something outside, or 2) it’s fast enough to outrun its human owner. I think we can all agree that it’s probably the latter. On a related note, that also means you can’t outrun it.
The Associated Press reports that 400 homes have been warned about the AWOL lizard, but Teller County Sheriff Mike Ensinger didn’t exactly inspire confidence when he said, “If it gets hungry enough, we don’t know what it will do.” Ensinger says that a tracking dog could be brought in to hunt the animal, but then added, “I’m not going after it. I don’t do reptiles.”
That all sounds very open-and-shut, but it seems like the authorities are overlooking a dangerous possibility: that Dino is actually an irradiated mutant lizard who will almost certainly continue to grow until it reaches Godzilla proportions. Sheriff Ensinger had no comment on the possibility that his area will soon be ravaged by a towering radioactive hellbeast, largely because I didn’t actually call him.
On the other hand, this could just be some really outside-the-box viral marketing for that new Godzilla movie.