It’s amazing that with legitimate sci-fi shows like Defiance and the upcoming Ron Moore series Helix, Syfy still hasn’t figured out how to up the ante on its line of Syfy Original Movies. I guess it depends on what ante I’m looking at. If it’s the “make watchable, relatable, award-worthy films that refrain from creating compound nouns from disasters and sharp-toothed animals” one, then it’ll be a pretty dismal effort from SyfySyfy when they release Sharknado.
Despite what it sounds like, the above trailer does not depict some fictional entity composed half of a shark’s body and half of a tornado’s funnel. This is about a superstorm that manages to pull sharks right up out of the water around Los Angeles, only to fling them around on land, no doubt killing dozens of people in the process. Dozens!
But you know two people that almost certainly won’t be dying? Hollywood icons Tara Reid and Beverly Hills 90210‘s Ian Ziering. These two distinguished thespians play a divorced couple that must reunite to investigate why sharks are falling out of the fucking sky. Reid’s character, Alice, doesn’t warrant a description, but Ziering’s role as Fin largely consists of him owning a beachside bar. And if there’s anything that gives you the heads up on a situation involving sharks being sucked up out of the water and distributed on land, it’s owning a sandy-floored tavern.
If there’s one true sin of the Sharknado trailer, it’s that it isn’t feature-length. A 30-second clip is hardly enough to whet anyone’s trash cinema appetite. (Check out Arctic Blast to drown those sorrows.) I have little urge to sit down and watch this movie, but if I mentally compare it to what will undoubtedly be their next movie, Shartnado (which I’d rather not explain), then this sounds like a fabulous time.
Check out a few stills from the movie below, and see if you can find a couple of shark-themed band-aids to put on all these people who apparently can’t run away from a land-bound shark. Unless these guys also grow legs and run around, too…and don masks and wield machetes. Somehow, adding that extra level of absurdity might “ground” this movie.
Sharknado takes to the skies when the film tears through Syfy on July 11, 2013. And guess what? They’re building the premiere up with a shark-themed movie marathon, which is inexplicably split up by an episode of Defiance for some reason. Where else can you watch Mega-Shark Vs. Giant Octopus, Malibu Shark Attack, Sharktopus, Swamp Shark, Sharkzone and 2-Headed Shark Attack: ALL IN ONE DAY! We’ll see you there. We’ll be the folks holding the comically small umbrellas.