We’ve spent a while together, readers, and you know what we have to say wouldn’t always sound like polite language to children. And sometimes we like to pull our nudities out randomly. But we don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. Except the theater owners who recently came out at CinemaCon and bitched about there being too many R-rated movies, and how R-rated movies drive away customers, and shut the fuck up gentlemen, because a good percentage of R-rated movies released last year made as good a profit as the ginormo-budget PG-13 films out there. Anyway, fuck those guys with a bloody dick. Does that have any bearing on this story? We may never know.
The Motion Picture Association Academy of American Alarmists and the Classification and Rating Administration Calamityville have granted and blessed Guillermo del Toro’s upcoming saliva-fest Pacific Rim a PG-13 rating. So if anybody wanted to hear Idris Elba tell Charlie Hunnam that one of the monsters “smells like a river-dredged cunt” while he stabs someone to death with his penis, this probably wasn’t the movie for you anyway.
There’s no big surprise that this is aiming to attract the masses. It gets the youth-attracting rating for “sequences of intense sci-fi action and violence throughout, and brief language.” Not brief language!!!
If it makes more money than Transformers 4 and flattens Michael Bay, no one will need to be over 17 to enjoy it. It sounds like people like it, even if those people aren’t us just yet. We will flippin’ hear the frickin-frackin human-driven mechs say damn and heck as they fight the dagnab monsters on July 12, 2013.