Int. Living Room – Snowy Evening
Girl: Grandpa, what’s the damnedest thing you’ve ever seen?
Me: Oh, it’s definitely the poster for Transformers: Age of Extinction, where the main hero, Optimus Prime, is carrying a sword and riding on the back of a robot dragon.
Girl: You mean the one hanging over the fireplace right there?
Me: That’s the one. Now be a doll and get your grandfather another eight fingers of bourbon.
Is there anything more ridiculous than this new Transformers: Age of Extinction poster? If you said yes, it’s because you’ve seen the giant cardboard cutouts at theaters, depicting the same scene of robo-cryptozoology, just in a punchable medium. It’s like Isaac Asimov’s version of Game of Thrones. This image depicts what may literally be the greatest idea in the world on paper—giant freakin’ robot with a monster sword swooping around on the back of a giant freakin’ robot dragon—but like most other stereotypes that director Michael Bay has earned, it’s just completely overblown with CGI and goofiness. Still, though, it’s absolutely worthy of living room art, and serves as a fine talking piece while we await the next trailer, which is reportedly set to release in three days.
Luckily, we also have a few more suped-up images to sort through in anticipation for the fourth film in the Transformers franchise. First up is another shot of Optimus Prime and his new weapon of choice, which franchise producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura says is “emblematic of what we’ve done to Optimus Prime as a whole…He’s been upgraded with more abilities.”
And it’s easy to tell from the image below that Bumblebee has gotten an upgrade as well, with giant Chinese stars popping off of his body. It’s easy to see how Dreamworks and Paramount could team up with Pizza Hut to create a line of Bumblebee pizza cutters.
Finally, we have another big, bold, beautiful shot of Optimus Prime, probably damning the gods or something as he wonders why humanity has forsaken him. “Stella!”
Set three years after Dark of the Moon, Transformers: Age of Extinction sees a world where the giant shape-shifting robots have been shunned by humans who lived through the massive destruction of the first three movies. An inventor named Cade (Mark Wahlberg) starts messing with an old bullet-ridden truck, he discovers that it’s actually Optimus Prime, and then everything gets all Transformers-y. Expect Kelsey Grammer to be a ruthless government antagonist. Expect John Goodman and Ken Watanabe’s recently announced voice roles. Expect Dinobots!
And most of all, expect to shell out different amounts of money when Transformers: Age of Extinction hits IMAX, 3D, and every other kind of general theater on June 27.