I’ve been immersed in geek culture more or less my whole life. I started trying to read The Hobbit at age five, then quickly expanded to raiding my father’s treasure-trove closet full of old science fiction books. I’ve been to the conventions, waited in the lines for midnight showings, and once shared an extremely awkward elevator ride sandwiched between a pair of Vampire: The Masquerade LARPers and a man dressed as Dr. Frank-N-Furter. When you factor in that I’m lucky enough to have made a career writing about stuff I’d be thinking about anyway, I would have said that there’s very little geek-centric weirdness that could shock or surprise me. Then I read an uncomfortably specific job posting seeking a driver/secretary who looks exactly like the character Juno Eclipse from the Star Wars: The Force Unleashed videogame.
Update: At the time of this posting, the job listing has been removed. We’re not sure whether this means the poster didn’t like people across the internet mocking his post or if he finally found his Juno…
As spotted by the folks over at Jezebel, the job listing appeared on the job site Search. The poster wanted his very own Juno Eclipse, but he was quick to reassure potential applicants that “you won’t be required to wear or do anything silly, just jeans and smart casuals/hip travelling clothes. Job had purely the professional requirement of being the ‘pilot’ and providing opinion/feedback on any consumer adventures that eventuate.”
So it’s just like any other job posting, except you have to look like an obscure Star Wars character for reasons that are never sufficiently explained, but which he assures us are not creepy or shady at all. It’ll be strictly business, ladies, and he “”would like our relationship to be purely professional and plutonic.” A quick trip to the dictionary reveals that “plutonic” means “1) Relating to or denoting igneous rock formed by solidification at considerable depth beneath the earth’s surface, or 2) Relating to the underworld or the god Pluto.” That makes perfect sense in context, so I’m going to assume that’s not a typo. He’s just got a thing for well-chiseled women.
So what exactly would the lucky applicant be doing? You’ll be serving as a secretary/driver for his media company, which is said to be sort of like a mix of ABC Good Game, The Economist, Star Wars, Alien, and The Nerdist Podcast. You’ll need to be interested in “psychology, mathematics, broadening the mind through travel, philosophy, pop-culture, film, reading, and exploring the world.” It also wouldn’t hurt to be “a bit of a gamer chick.” That would certainly increase the odds of any potential applicants knowing who the hell Juno Eclipse is.
Extra perk: if hired, you’ll get to drive your boss around in his Beemer, which will dubbed “Rogue Shadow,” for reasons of “authenticity.” Well, obviously.
In related news, I’m looking to hire a personal assistant, but all applicants must be seven feet tall, completely covered in shaggy fur, and able to communicate in a series of grunts and growls.