So we’re at that point again, readers, when talking about the upcoming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film is necessary. And let me tell you, with a majority of sincerity and only a little irony, that this newest bit of casting is the three-toed foot in the ass I needed to vault me over my grump hump as far as acceptance of this film is concerned. I will now wave hello to you when I see you in the hallways, TMNT, instead of looking the other way. But do not expect a hug.
We’ve all been “eagerly” awaiting the casting of the Turtles’ sensei, Master Splinter, and Platinum Dunes and Co. have chosen Danny Woodburn to wax sagely poetic to the foursome. Woodburn is one of the hardest working little people in TV and Hollywood, probably most famous for his role as Kramer’s wily friend Mickey on Seinfeld, but he’s also had characters of note in Death to Smoochy, Tracey Takes On, and Mirror Mirror. And he was the perfect choice to play Big Figure in Zack Snyder’s Watchmen adaptation.
Being a motion-capture film, there’s no guessing as to how Splinter is going to come to life. I have to wonder if there will be some kind of prosthetic for Woodburn to wear on his head, or if all of Splinter’s elongated features are going to be as CGI as everything else. Something tells me Will Arnett, the other person on whom I’m basing my willingness to give the flick a modicum of a chance, isn’t going to need much computer generation, and nor will Megan Fox. Perhaps if they could just edit her out of the finished product, the film would transcend mere action adventure and become something more existential and weird.
You know the drill by now. Alan Ritchson, Pete Ploszek, Jeremy Howard, and Noel Fisher are the heroes in half-shells. Michael Bay is producing. Jonathan Liebesman is directing. It comes out June 6, 2014. Let’s keep our big and little fingers crossed, shall we?