Man Arrested For Punching Darth Vader’s Wife

By David Wharton | 8 years ago

Being a Sith lord is hard. You only ever have one other Sith to talk to, and you’re constantly either plotting his demise or trying to avoid being murdered by him. Even if you’re really good at your job, there’s a good chance you’ll get cut in half or dropped in a volcano or tossed down a bottomless pit. But there is a certain point where even the most patient of Sith lords has to draw a line, and that point is when somebody punches Darth Vader’s wife right square in the face.

It pains me greatly to have to explain this story, because I guarantee the scenario currently unfolding in your imagination is far more awesome than the actual facts. Here, nevertheless, they are: so there’s this dude in England who had his name legally changed to “Darth Vader” (original name “Mark Nokes” — he definitely traded up). The fellow throwing the punch was Ikbal Hare (also better than “Mark Nokes”), who allegedly believed that Darth Vader had been messing around with his girlfriend. Unfortunately for Hare, Vader used his Sith training and command of the Force to deflect the blow, which then missed and landed on the face of Vader’s wife.

At this point you would expect Vader to flick on the ol’ lightsaber and carve Hare in twain, but it was not to be. Hare actually threw sand in Vader’s face, and then Mrs. Vader locked her husband inside their house to keep the scuffle from escalating. After Vader heard that Hare was brandishing a knife, Mr. Vader climbed out an upstairs window, but the attacker was soon chased off by a crowd, which may or may not have included some Ewoks.

Hare may have been captured by the long arm of the law, but I think any jail time would be a small price to pay for bragging rights. Just imagine his response when his cellmate asks, “So, whaddya in for?”

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