Lovecraftian Twitter Feed Is A Dating Site For Morbid Souls

By Nick Venable | Updated 5 years ago

I’ve been married for almost four years now, and have been with the same lady for roughly a billion years, give or take. With her and without her, I’ve never really had problems in the relationship field—humblebrag alert!—but I feel for those that do. The only sure thing when it comes to love is that it’s the most unsure emotion one can feel. Thankfully, there are enough people in the world that nearly everyone should be able to find a mate, and the (fake) dating site Dread Singles wants to put all of these people together, possibly while burning Christian effigies and praising Elder Gods.

Okay, so it’s actually a Twitter feed and not a website, per se. And it doesn’t actually get anyone together for anything except for laughs at macabre visions of Lovecraftian horror. But my point of view is that people with like-minded senses of humor can comment on these posts and then follow each other than then fall in love for the rest of eternity, or whatever endless void awaits the Chosen Ones.

The feed first began back in August, and has accumulated over 4,200 followers, as well as various sub-deities. Below you’ll find the first of what seems like thousands of hilariously dark invitations to join all the hot singles in your area to, you know, start “rolling runes into place, listening to the space between dying gasps.” Just like your parents and grandparents used to do. Check out that initial post below.

HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA, FLITTING THROUGH THE MANSIONS OF THOUGHT, SIGNALING THE GATEKEEPERS OF ALL, GROWING POTENT FROM YOUR REGARD #hot

— Dread Singles (@hottestsingles) August 20, 2013

Such promise right out the gate between this world and the next. Below you’ll find one of the latest posts, followed by a few more that make me laugh…and horny.

HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA, LEAVING MEEKLY AT BAR CLOSE, FILING TOGETHER INTO THE LOW HILLS, LAYING IN PANTING HEAPS IN DARK HOLLOWS, GNAWING

— Dread Singles (@hottestsingles) December 30, 2013

Me irl pic.twitter.com/lKvYPAsY4K

— Dread Singles (@hottestsingles) September 18, 2013

HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA, RISING FROM THEIR SLUMBER, CLAWING UP THROUGH THE COLD MOIST EARTH, LICKING THEIR FANGS, READY TO USE THAT GROUPON

— Dread Singles (@hottestsingles) November 5, 2013

HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA, PEELING BACK THE LEAVES OF THE ANCIENT FLESH LOTUS, HARVESTING THE DREAD FRUITS, SETTING UP AT THE FARMERS MARKET

— Dread Singles (@hottestsingles) September 15, 2013

HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA, GETTING ALL THEIR DUCKS IN A ROW,SMASHING THE DUCKS INTO A PUDDLE OF TWITCHING GORE, OBEYING THE PUDDLE'S COMMANDS

— Dread Singles (@hottestsingles) November 5, 2013

Excellence, am I right? The puddle is telling me it’s time to go now, but first we have another take on Love…craftian love, as the author himself (not really) shares his views. It’s not like sci-fi lovers can’t find love on their own, but everybody needs a helping hand. Or tentacle.

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