There are days when low self-esteem takes some time off and I feel that my worth in the world is measurable. But then there are the days when I feel like my sole purpose on the planet is to tell you guys about every ridiculously contrived zombie movie that’s coming out. Today’s installment is the thriller Zombie Safari, which will apparently serve as a full-length spin on the first Jurassic Park, only with zombies taking the place of the dinosaurs. Although the film doesn’t have a director just yet, I completely suspect they’ll go after Sterven Splerglblerg.
The poster above is absolutely legit, so far as Bloody Disgusting puts it, and it’s actually kind of great that they’re pushing this parody aspect. I really, really, want there to be a “Jeff Goldblum character” to look to for comic relief, so I really, really hope they reach out to Jeff Goldblum to do this. Maybe they got Sam Neill to play Ian Malcolm, that would be something.
The plot will sound a little familiar, as it takes place many years after a zombie outbreak ravaged society, when life has mostly gone back to normal. An eccentric billionaire goes crazy over a family tragedy and opens a zombie amusement park, with a safari theme of course. A power outage occurs and puts everyone in danger, especially viewers! No writer has been announced either, so this is basically just a concept at this point. But what a concept. I hope the children get eaten in this one. Let me write it and they will.
Star-studded low-budget film distribution company Red Sea Media (Pawn) is developing the project, with Mark Burman on board to produce. Not surprisingly, he also deals with movies that don’t exactly make wide theatrical runs, like his latest, the horror comedy Piranha Sharks, which is currently in production. Interesting thing here on the subject of movies ripping off other movies: Burman produced the thriller Taphephobia, which was about a man who wakes up buried alive in a coffin with only his cell phone, and that was four years before Rodrigo Cortés’s Buried with Ryan Reynolds. Of course, if we’re talking about films that are zombie and dinosaur-related, the Area 407 sequel already has that covered.
Here’s the other less silly, but still striking poster.
If only the film looks remotely as good as those posters. Regardless of how well the Zombie Safari does financially or critically, the real proof of it having been a pop culture phenomenon will come with a “Weird Al” Yankovic song.