As regular GFR readers already know, I have a healthy amount of snark running through my veins, and there’s no real science as to when and where it comes out. The thing is, when it comes to Andy and Lana Wachowski’s upcoming space epic Jupiter Ascending, my Cynicism Release Mechanism appears to be on the fritz. I just plainly want this film to be great, regardless of how sharp Channing Tatum’s ears eventually get. And the international trailer seen above, with its new footage of flying creatures and giant robot spaceship things, just makes me all the more excited.
Granted, this trailer initially doesn’t look too different from the first one that Warner Bros. and Village Roadshow released. “Is this the girl?” “This is the girl.” “Kill the girl.” “I’ll save the girl!” Pink bug alien! Radio drama at its finest, no? Thankfully, the new visuals start popping up as it goes on.
The girl in question is Jupiter (Mila Kunis), a lowly immigrant janitor who unwittingly shares the same genetic code as the Queen of the Universe, which makes her both an heir to the planet Earth and the prime target of the weasel-faced
Zaphod Beeblebrox Balem Abrasax (Eddie Redmayne) and his army of Channing Tatum haters. Tatum has the role of someone else’s lifetime with Caine Wise, a genetically modified warrior who is half-albino and half-wolf, with a mission to save Jupiter and (I’m assuming) lead her to her rightful throne. Meanwhile, Sean Bean stars as the stoic Stinger, whose presumed death in the second act will lead Caine to hate the film’s antagonists EVEN MORE!
Sharing top billing with Kunis and Tatum should be Jupiter Ascending‘s CGI effects team, because I’m fairly certain not a single second in this trailer was free of digitally created visuals. That might throw a lot of people, but I’m perfectly fine with trading the CGI destruction of New York City in countless movies for an expansive CGI universe, complete with ridiculous planetary systems, spaceships, and monsters whose origins I can’t even begin to speculate about.
Somebody could look at this plotline and easily call it a Fifth Element ripoff, and while that sounds fittingly apt, we live in a world where a seventh Fast and Furious movie is in production. I’m pretty sure we can deal with one more cornball space opera. Especially one with this kind of scope.
Of course, nobody is hoping for a repeat of The Matrix‘s cultural revolution, as Jupiter Ascending looks to be about as subversive as the back of a cereal box. But the Wachowskis have always proven themselves adept at bringing big ideas to the big screen, even if the end result is bombastically muddled. Still, they’ve never quite given us anything like a half-wolf Channing Tatum piloting a gigantic transforming spaceship before. So there’s that, at least.
Strap on your neatest rocket boots and zoom swiftly into theaters when Jupiter Ascending debuts on July 18.