Fox Vs. Jayne Hat Makers, Round Two

By David Wharton | 8 years ago

JayneLast week we told you about the huge hullabaloo kicked off when Fox decided to start sending out cease-and-desist notices to the various folks on the internet who were making and selling “Jayne hats,” based on the chapeau sported by Jayne Cobb (Adam Baldwin) in Firefly. See, an outfit called Ripple Junction recently purchased the licensing rights to make “official” Jayne hats, so Fox went and got legal on all the crafty who had been selling homemade versions of the cap for years now. Sure, Fox and Ripple Junction are certainly within their legal rights, but given that Fox also aired Firefly out of order and then canceled it, many Browncoats are more than a little disdainful of the studio’s sudden interest in the property. Thankfully, Broancoats are a cunning lot, so some are already trying to find gaps in Fox’s legal armor.

Take Amanda Harris-Matthews of Griffith, Indiana. Sadly, she has no Jayne’s hat to sell you. But she does have this other hat, see? It’s a controversial hat, this hat, one with a very interesting backstory involving a simple girl named Jane, and a cruel and malicious fox. Here, I’ll let her tell the story below:

One night, Jane and her father heard the farm animals getting restless. Jane watched as her father grabbed a big stick and went out to see what was going on.

Jane waited. She could hear the animals getting more restless. Then, she heard her father scream.

Not knowing what else to do, not even thinking, Jane ran out the door. She was mere feet from the door when what she saw made her stop on her tracks.

Her father laid on the ground, bloody, unmoving, dead. The thing that had killed him was still there, still hitting them with the big stick, the big stick it had taken from her father’s own hands.

It was a fox. Somehow, a fox was holding the big stick in its paws and bashing her dead father with it.

“STOP PLEASE STOP FOX YOU’VE ALREADY KILLED HIM!”

As Jane yelled that she fell to the ground, sobbing. She sobbed there as the fox ate the chickens and bit the sheep, leaving some to bleed to death and the others infected with rabies. When the fox was full, he walked back over to Jane’s dead father, pulled off the brown coat, and placed it on his own back. He then pulled out a cigarette and a match – from where, Jane did not know. The fox walked past Jane, and over to the house. He struck the match on the side of the house, lit his cigarette, and then threw the still flaming match into the open door.

As the house began to burn, the fox walked past Jane again, back over to Jane’s father.

He then defecated on the corpse’s chest.

The tale goes on from there. It’s a tragic tale, and it’ll make you wish somebody would teach that mean old fox a lesson or two about appreciating the fans — er, farmers of the world.

Sadly, this particular hat of Jane’s has already sold, but I’m betting if you keep an eye on the interwebs in days to come, there will be other hats, perhaps quite similar to this one. After all, there are a lot of Janes out there, but there’s only one mean old fox.

Hat

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