Disney Characters Assemble, Voltron Style! Michael Bay Explodes!

By Nick Venable | 8 years ago

If you thought Kingdom Hearts was the best example of a Japanese/Disney mash-up…you were probably right. While the people at Euro Disney in Paris are busy trying to make mouse cheese and a duck that looks really cool while smoking, the amazing know-it-all geniuses at Bandai will use Disney’s marquee characters to make Japan that much better than America next March, when they unleash the 22-cm-tall Chogokin King Robot Mickey & Friends. At around $160, should it ever legally be sold on American soil, the toy/lifestyle option is around $32 a word, and $23 a character.

The ambitiously named seven smaller toys are as follows: “Ace” Steamboat Willie is the head. “Jet” Mickey and “Sky” Minnie are the torso. “Diver” Donald and “Aqua” Daisy are the arms. “Land” Goofy and “Dash” Pluto & Doghouse are the legs. Awkwardly maneuver their parts around to where they don’t exactly resemble any of the appendages they’re supposed to look like, snap them all together, and voila! (Or the Japanese translation.) You have yourself the anime-inspired Power Rangers warrior of your grandparents’ generation. Just way better looking and without all the WWII guilt.

At face value, the toy probably couldn’t be more incredible, perhaps solely for the imprints of Goofy and Pluto’s faces on whatever this contraption happens to kick the shit out of. But consider these things. Its head is a steamboat. Not Captain Pete or anything, but an actual boat. While Donald and Daisy adhere somewhat to the aquatic nature of actual duck creatures, the “Jet” and “Sky” attributes of two Earth-bound mice are a tad more confusing, especially considering they’re arms. (I guess arms are able to reach higher than any other part of the body.) That the legs are comprised of the meaninglessly named “Land” Goofy with “Dash” Pluto brings to mind a toy with one running leg that pits the toy in a vicious circular cycle that makes “Puke Bucket” Scrooge McDuck a necessary add-on. I have no comment about a doghouse being included in a leg.

If it seems I have tried to insult this toy in any way, it’s because I’ll never own one and that makes me upset. Maybe “Jealous Wang” Nick will create his own mash-up. Who’s with me?

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