DEDTalk Will Help Zombies Survive The Human Apocalypse

By Nick Venable | 8 years ago

The unnoticeable but growing underground zombie population was hit with a pretty big brick of truth when it was recently theorized that mother nature, more than human involvement, could potentially curb an undead outbreak before it became a global catastrophe. So it’s obvious that zombies staging an organized movement was just around the bloody, fingernail-scraped corner. What better way to relay a lot of quality information than through a TEDTalk presentation? Or in this case, a DEDTalk…

Of course, this isn’t an actual “how to survive the humans” discussion, but a spoof clip from the guys at Official Comedy, who brought us the recent Walking Dead “Monster Mash” sing-along. It’s special to see Al Gore and Richard Branson’s faces before being introduced to our mediator, Tim Martin, and his initially helpful advice. After all, in the human apocalypse, innovation is even more crucial.

But instead of listening to his advice about where to get shot (in the body, preferably the arms) and where not to get shot (in the head or the legs), perhaps the zombie audience should have been paying attention to the fact that one of their kind was able-bodied enough not only to speak without groaning, but to put on an entire informational panel. There’s something not quite right about this one.

I mean, his Death Hacks are certainly useful. If you want to blend in with society at large, a zombie can “grab a silly human hat, or rip off a piece of human face with a mustache on it.” But alas, the simplistic tips are but a ruse, as our mediator soon pulls the brain-soaked rug out from under everyone and proves that the real way to survive this kind of apocalypse is to kill all the zombies! This guy gets major props for his yell as he’s being lifted into the air while spraying bullets into the unseen zombie crowd. Humans win! Humans win!

But wait, he wasn’t even a human to begin with. He’s a fucking werewolf! Nooooooo! In a world where zombies, vampires, werewolves, aliens, Mothras, robots, giant snakes, and ghosts exist, who would win? This is the future of Royal Rumbles. Somebody get that video made with the quickness.

And if that zombie-related video wasn’t scary enough for you — seeing as how it is Halloween season and all — then maybe the clip below will give your spine something to shiver about. In a world where only pumpkin spice exists…