I’ve never been much of one for yard art. If I actually manage to keep my lawn alive, I figure I’ve done more than my duty when it comes to my neighbors’ property values. I’m never quite sure what the thought process is behind houses like the one I used to live down the street from, where literally every square inch of yard space was bedecked, bedazzled, and just flat-out buried beneath plastic flamingos, ceramic critters, lawn jockeys, fountains, wind chimes, and tchotchkes. Is it a hoarding thing? I mean, if you absolutely must decorate your front yard with something more than a covering of grass, why not pick something awesome like this crashed UFO?
I don’t know if it’s art, but I like it. That snazzy statue is the work of Design Toscano, and you can order one of your very own from Amazon for a $269. Sure, that may seem pricy, but just try to visualize the faces of your homeowner’s association mid-stroke, and I think you’ll agree it practically pays for itself. Here’s the official description:
It’s been tough to see an alien spacecraft up close — until now! Our Design Toscano exclusive sizeable, extra-terrestrial statement piece will come down for a crash landing in your own private Roswell! Sculpted with a mysterious otherworldly quality from its portal windows to its powerful thrusters, our exclusive flying saucer statue is cast in quality designer resin and hand-painted in inter-planetary hues. This fun focal point for your home or garden will ensure that your guests have their very own close encounter of the Toscano kind! 31″Wx19″Dx22″H. 40 lbs.
If you really want to sell the effect once you put this in your yard, start kidnapping local pets and hire some out-of-work actors to start snooping around the neighborhood in dark suits and earpieces.