Buy Russian Star Wars Posters For The Gift That Keeps On Confusing

By Nick Venable | 8 years ago

You guys know how Russia is almost just like the United States in so many ways, and nothing about their history or current state of living is weird to our predominantly free and democratic way of life? Oh yeah, it’s nothing like that there. Or here, for that matter. For a country that feared one American Star Wars (defense system), they certainly embraced the other one. You know, the one with the monstrous solitary non-capitalist leader making life mostly miserable for swaths of similarly dressed citizens.

These posters have been around for a few years, it’s true. (Well, actually a couple decades, since they’re from 1990.) But all four are featured on eBay right now for various amounts of “too much money,” though that’s a concept privileged fanboys know nothing about.

Drawing the least amount of money thus far is this questionable piece of…yeah, I have no idea what’s going on here. Greedo has a square coming out of his eye, and it has apparently hypnotized purple cauliflower man.

These two are a step up in the expense category, with the current bid right around $1,300 for each, and a step closer to coherence, though they get there by taking a long walk through batshit interpretations. I’m unsure why Darth Vader’s mask is shaped like a homosexual lion’s S&M costume. But the real draw for this poster is the assortment of random doodles around the border that seem to be obsessed with eyeballs and triangles. So this is either a work by a Freemason, or Telly from Sesame Street.

I love the ominousness of the stoic, planet-looking face thing looking up at the other non-faced planet, all through an asteroid field? Or maybe we the viewers are just achieving hyperspace upon looking at the poster. Or maybe it’s just Ben Grimm at the disco.

The top picture is the one with the highest current bidding, nearing $4,000. I’m not sure why, though. The MacGyver/Buck Rogers look must really do it for fans. Some call him the gangster of love. So take all that money you didn’t spend on Black Friday and give yourself an international piece of nostalgia, and maybe in another 20 years, someone will explain what the hell they were inspired by.

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