Wesley Crusher (Star Trek: The Next Generation)
Ahh, Wesley. You were supposed to be my viewpoint character on The Next Generation. I was only a few years younger than you when the series originally aired, and you were living my dream, exploring the final frontier aboard a badass starship! But even at 10 years old, I pretty much wanted to throw you out an airlock.
To be clear, I can’t really blame Wesley’s general crapitude on Wheaton — he was just a kid, working with what the writers gave him. And the writers clearly had no goddamn clue what to do with Wesley. Uh oh, young Mr. Crusher has incurred a death penalty for stepping on some flowers on the planet of the space swingers! Don’t look now, but Wesley has spilled nanobots everywhere and now they’ve infected the ship! Oh good, Wesley’s taken over engineering with a homemade tractor beam! (Lt. Riley did it better way back in 1966. Granted, much of Next Gen‘s early run could be described as “something The Original Series did better way back in 1966.”) Thankfully, Wesley did eventually grow up and become a semi-decent character in episodes like “The First Duty.” But man, those early years were just painful.
How We Would Kill Him Off: Remember that transporter accident in Star Trek: The Motion Picture where the guy gets turned inside out? Ensign Crusher, report to the transporter room.