There are a lot of things that could be written on my tombstone when I die, ranging from insightful to heartwarming to pun-filled buffoonery. But if we’re just talking universal truths about me as a person, I’d be perfectly fine with, “Nicholas Carl Venable: He Didn’t Give Two Shits About Golf,” and a picture of me defecating into the 18th hole. I seriously doubt anyone in my family will pay to have this made, least of all my golf enthusiast brother-in-law, but I might have found something to counterbalance my disinterest, a professional golfer taking on a robot. Now I have something to cheer for!
As part of the promotion for the Irish Open leg of the PGA European Tour, 2012 Race to Dubai champion Rory McIlroy faced off against the Golf Laboratory Computer Controlled Hitting Machine, Jeff for short, in a series of accuracy challenges at Scotland’s Gleneagles Golf Club. The contest involved hitting balls into washing machines. That may sound like an odd competition, but it’s in reference to a video where a 9-year-old McIlroy performed a chip shot into a washing machine on an Irish talk show.
While there is a ridiculous amount of talent on display, in the form of McIlroy’s natural abilities and Jeff’s modified know-how, the real fun here is in the casual shit talking Jeff piles on Rory. It starts off simple and polite, like the bot from Robot and Frank, but then he ups the ante once things get interesting. For the first minute or so, I actually thought Jeff’s responses were programmed in some way.
Like a good set of Yo Momma jokes, and without any intended maliciousness, Jeff brings the pain once he realizes McIlroy loses concentration when he laughs. Admittedly, the Martin Kaymer reference flew straight over my head. Or maybe I willingly ducked under it. Things took a welcome turn into PG-13 territory, but then McIlroy won the contest and my day was ruined. All these guys need now is a robot caddy they can teach to retrieve balls. I can’t imagine how terrible I would be at this, and I’m certain I’d be embarrassed the entire time. Great, now my day is ruined twice.
This isn’t the first novelty video the European Tour has put out, and since I don’t see myself ever posting another golf-related article, I might as well showcase a couple more videos that are just as intriguing. First up is a group golf outing to the desert. Skeet shooting is involved.
Next up, London magician Drummond William Thomas Money-Coutts, also known as DMC, brings his illusions and humor to the links. If you haven’t seen stunned golfers before, this is the video for you.