Scientists Claim Heavy Breathing Makes Drunks Sober
A doctor has developed a device that removes harmful gasses from the body and makes a drunk person sober.
Put down the coffee, forget the cold shower, and go from drunk to sober at a moment’s notice, according to scientific data courtesy of IFLScience.com. Well, not quite, but it would be amazing if it were that easy to go from drunk to sober. But the site purports a new method for inducing sobriety which simply requires taking a few deep breaths to refresh your system.
Doctor Joseph Fisher of Canada’s University Health Network has created a device that captures expelled CO2 from the body and returns it to the system refreshed, eliminating harmful gasses in the bloodstream which reduces inebriation. When describing his hypothesis and the subsequent creation of this device, Fisher stated “It’s almost inexplicable why we didn’t try this decades ago.” This new system could help drunk people become sober and avoid unnecessary issues that include jail time and hurting themself or someone else.
Without this device, you may want to avoid going a bit overboard with the holiday eggnog this year, as Dr. Fisher warns breathing heavily without the enrichment device may cause hyperventilation and passing out. Though the eternal struggle of remaining straight-laced during a visit home to the in-laws continues, struggling to go from drunk to sober may soon become a thing of the past, as Fisher expressed his intent to manufacture these inexpensive items all across the world. Controlled heavy breathing has long been a method for meditation and mental wellness, and its positive effects can contribute to reducing blood alcohol, but it would have a slow and minor impact which would be largely negligible when facing dangerous consequences of drunkenness.
Alcohol, though highly normalized within our society, can be an extremely harmful substance if abused, as over 3 million people die from alcohol-related ailments each year, with drunk driving numbers often skyrocketing on big holidays. Whether you’re drunk or sober at this year’s office Christmas party, it may be a good idea to steel yourself and take a few deep breaths, just for posterity. The liver, which metabolizes blood alcohol, cannot be rushed by traditional methods for inducing sobriety, whatever urban myths you may have heard of.
At this time, Dr. Fisher’s sample group is limited to a group of healthy men with 0.1 percent blood alcohol. Like all other scientific experiments, Fisher’s team will expand the sample size further and further to test their findings if the results continue to remain positive. In the interim period, the device seems to be showing exceptional results, leaving Dr. Fisher extremely confident in the eventual widespread application. Before you know it, one of these devices could be on drug store shelves, bringing you from drunk to sober in two shakes of a mistletoe sprig by New Years!
While the scientific ins and outs are best left to the Tony Stark-style mathematic minds behind the experiment, I think we can all agree that this Breathalyzer would be a much-needed upgrade to our current system. We see too many people stumbling drunk out of bars into unfortunate circumstances, due to the inability of the liver to speed up the sobering process. If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol overindulgence, SAMSHA’s National Helpline is available 24 hours at 1-800-662-HELP.