Scientists to Use a Blimp To Continue Confirming Bigfoot Doesn’t Exist

By Nick Venable | 8 years ago

I always say, “If you know a cryptozoologist, then at least you know you aren’t the stupidest person in your circle of friends.” Admittedly, it isn’t a subject that comes up all that often. A subject that does continue to come up, even after a relentless amount of proof to the contrary, is the hunt for the mythical Bigfoot. Multiple generations of critical thinkers have scoffed at this tired “mystery,” but there’s no denying the fact that beliefs persist, regardless of what the facts say.

Long after you’ve read this article, check out The Falcon Project’s site to remind yourself that it’s possible to build an attractive, functional website while also being kind of batshit.

Initially conceived by William Barnes, a Utah citizen who’s already encountered Bigfoot, according to himself, in northern California in the late 1990s. After years of thought, he brought his idea of a flying search machine to Idaho State University anthropology professor Jeffrey Meldrum, a fellow Bigfoot researcher. Meldrum is currently trying to raise more than $300,000 in donations to build a remote-controlled blimp, complete with a thermal-imaging camera, in order to bring the hunt into the air. I know what you’re thinking. Why didn’t they just get a couple of birds, teach them to understand English, and then hire them to find Bigfoot themselves.

Meldrum, an author of both scientific and psuedo-scientific papers and books, is nothing if not dedicated, and even though the money-raising hasn’t been a very positive venture, he says two cable stations are fighting for the rights to produce a show that captures the Falcon Project from its inception until the actual flight, which Meldrum hopes to be next spring. In theory, the flight will take several months, and cover large areas of forests in the Pacific Norhtwest, as well as parts of California and Utah.

When I watch some cooking competitions, I always wonder what happens to the massive amounts of leftover food that goes unused during the show. Similarly, I wonder what kinds of humanity-championing things could be done with all of the money that cable TV floods into the bullshit field studies these series stars go on. People waste money in plenty of ways, but this is one of the most ludicrous. At least, that’s what my good friend Nessy tells me.

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