Mysterious Rocks Spontaneously Combust In California Woman’s Pants

By Jenny Xu | 9 years ago

You’ll never look at a pet rock the same way again after what happened to the unfortunate Lyn Hiner of San Clemente, California.

The pretty little orange and green rocks were picked up by her two daughters a few hours earlier at a nearby beach, and given to her for safekeeping. Mrs. Hiner had probably all but forgotten the insignificant things until they starting sparking, and then burst into flames. Though she dropped and rolled, the fire would not be put out, and soon spread throughout the kitchen after an oily residue dripped off of the rocks and onto the hardwood floor.

Mrs. Hiner had to be treated for second and third degree burns, which included getting skin grafts. She is currently convalescing at the hospital in Santa Ana. The entire house has also had to be inspected by Hazmat teams, the kitchen flooring ripped out, and reconstructed.

The rocks were found to be coated with phosphorous, which spontaneously ignites when exposed to oxygen, and is found in everything from matches to firecrackers. The rocks were found nearby the local marine base, but the Navy, Camp Pendleton, and the San Onofre Nuclear Generating station all deny any affiliation with the rocks.

How did the rocks get there? Were they the results of a meth lab on the beach gone wrong? A stray flare dropped onto the ground? Or has Steven Moffat finally succeeded in taking over the universe, using only his thoughts? Whatever it is, this mystery certainly seems like something Sherlock Holmes or The Doctor would love to tackle.