The U.S. has seen celebrities go from film careers to high-ranking political office, so I suppose it isn’t a stretch to think that a fictional ruler of the universe would take a bit of a demotion and choose to run for office in an Earthly country. That’s the case in the Ukraine, where none other than Sith lord Darth Vader has stepped up and declared his new standing as a presidential candidate. And even if it doesn’t happen, isn’t this a much more enthusiastic headline than some of the ones we’ve been seeing lately about the country, or even our own country’s stance on the matter? When the world starts looking up to a planet-destroying evil menace, you know we’re headed in the right direction.
If you watched the video, you noticed that this isn’t a Funny or Die clip, or a spoof hosted by College Humor. Though it suffers from bad editing, it makes up for that with confetti guns and by actually giving away legitimate information. Darth Vader has been a major player in recent years for the real-world Internet Party of Ukraine, founded in 2007 by Dmytro Golubov. And while he probably didn’t win any real primaries to become the party’s main guy, he is officially in the race, as the founders put together the deposit of 2.5 million Ukrainian hryvnia — around $220,000-$230,000 — necessary to get added to the May 25 ballot, along with all of the required paperwork. That’s way too hefty a chunk of change to go towards something that is merely a joke. (Although to be honest, Hollywood and Washington do it all the time.)
Vader is currently the chairman of the Internet Party, and one has to wonder what would happen if he became a viable threat to his competition. In the 2012 parliamentary election, Vader actually got three percent of the vote, but they were all illegal write-ins on the ballots so they didn’t count. But that’s still 3% of voters who didn’t give their support to another candidate, no small feat for someone who doesn’t actually exist. Here’s what his formal address stated.
I am prepared to take responsibility for the fate of this country, if fellow citizens do me this high honor. I alone can make an empire out of a republic, to restore former glory, to return lost territories and pride for this country.
Now that’s how you deliver a promise. Below you can watch a video from November 2013, when Vader was brought to the Odessa City Hall by chair-carrying Stormtroopers, declaring himself an acting mayor of the city, by order of Emperor Palpatine. Somebody is always pulling the strings. The video is followed by a couple of surreally amazing images of Vader looking totally professional.
And to think, all the Sith monster does here in the U.S. is hate on Internet mergers. All I need to do now is become a registered Ukrainian voter.