There are certain things that make me insanely proud to be a human, but there are far more times when humanity fails, and I realize the majority of the planet will never have a clue. Now let me step down from my soap box atop this pedestal affixed to the head of this high horse.
For once, instead of going out and trying to prove a mythical creature exists, the Scottish company Jacobite Cruises is merely taking a precaution against any ill effects that such a creature could cause. So Jacobite, which annually transports 100,000 tourists around Loch Ness, signed on with Inverness insurance company Towergate Moray Firth and received a $1.5 million insurance policy against the Loch Ness Monster causing any damage to the ship or its occupants.
Lest this sound like a randomly batshit behavior, it actually coincides with the 80th anniversary of the first “sighting” of old Nessie. Which makes it sound like more of an expensive publicity stunt, but then they probably make enough money to cover it, as the Iverness area generally sees around £60 million a year just from the Monster alone. How about a few pulled quotes?
“I don’t know what the odds of this actually happening might be but this is Loch Ness and how silly would we look if it did and we weren’t covered for it?” asked Freda Newton, Jacobite Cruises owner. Considering it’s never happened before, I’d say not at all. And if it did happen, the word “silly” wouldn’t enter the conversation.
“I’m sure everyone who sets sail on the loch would settle for a sighting of Nessie rather than a much closer encounter,” said Bob Jack, director at Towergate Moray Firth. I’m sure everyone who sets sail on the loch has settled for a lot in their lives.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go call my insurance company, Practical Matters Aside, so I can get chupacabra insurance, since there’s this sick dog in my neighborhood that I let gnaw on my leg sometimes.
And now, because you probably haven’t heard Sting make a vague reference to Nessie yet today, here’s The Police with “Synchronicity II.”