Animal Carcasses Or Mysterious Creatures? It’s Been A Busy Month For Cryptozoologists

By Nick Venable | Published

This article is more than 2 years old

whaleWhile the Middle East has seen its share of monstrosities, most of them can be attributed to human beings, not to mysterious sea demons of the deep. But even the Loch Ness Monster herself must have choked on her tongue when pictures of a disgusting and mysterious creature found in the Persian Gulf started popping online up last week. And the Chupacabra probably shit his skin-hut once he saw that his distant cousin was making trouble in Belarus. And the aliens at Area 51 definitely phoned home when evidence of extraterrestrials showed up dead in South Africa. July has been positively lousy with weird looking creatures.

Of course, they’re all really just dead animals, sans conspiracy, but it’s always fun to pretend. The Iranian navy came upon the huge blackened cretin seen in the pictures above and below. While it looks like someone flushed one of Pacific Rim’s Kaiju down a really big toilet, it’s actually just a whale corpse. Giant, rotting carrion. This gives a differently Jonah or Pinocchio’s stories could have ended. One always wonders what happens to the bones of the world’s most rotund mammals, and as it happens, they look like something James Cameron ripped off while making The Abyss. Someone needs to sue that guy. (Kidding.) For scale’s sake, here’s a picture of a boat posing next to the creature.

whale iran boatA Belarusian farm worker recently killed a beast that had been attacking the farm’s cattle. By biting their feet. While it hasn’t been DNA tested, it looks like a hybrid of a raccoon, fox, dog, and hyena. And possibly a few other things. This is reportedly the smallest of three animals seen in the area. The most interesting part of this story is that the veterinarian is going to burn the corpse. Can’t have that just lying around underground, spawning undead zombicabras. Incidentally, this Russian-to-English website is worth the read for the awkward translations. “Raccoon dog is a predator but it also eats vegetable food.”

raccoon thing
“I’m smiling on the inside, too.”
And finally, the 17-year old son of a national park ranger took pictures of a carcass in Plettenberg Bay, South Africa earlier this month, and residents made many murmurs of aliens living among them. But the emaciated body was actually only the corpse of a newborn baboon. To me, it looked like whatever gave birth to the “rape tree” in the original Evil Dead. “It was most likely killed by a bite through the skull soon after birth,” said veterinarian Dr. Magdalena Braun of the Crags Vet Clinic. “Possibly infanticide, which is very common in some primate species when a new male takes over the troop.” Highly encouraging news, that is.

“All I wanted was a hug.”
This one also gets a video.

What’s the weirdest creature you’ve ever seen? No Nic Cage, Nick Nolte, or Nicki Minaj jokes. Lot of weird looking people with names that sound like that. This is Nick Venable, signing off.