As a man living on this fine round orb of ours, I constantly overlook things — and what I don’t overlook usually confuses me. I’m what one would call a “very pre-renaissance man.” But when it concerns the fine round orbs found in the chest region of women, I find my confusion levels dropping spectacularly. The wonders that are breasts are of course most important for being a life force, supplying nutrients essential for the newborn, but they’re also a major source of femininity, and many women’s self esteems are directly tied to their appearance and how they appear to others. I ain’t saying it’s right, I’m just saying it’s real.
A French professor of the University Hospital of Besançon has performed a fifteen year study that just might revolutionize the way women treat their boobs. It might just cause a bunch of women to call him an ignorant pervert, but that is far from the case here. He’s on everyone’s side here.
Professor Jean-Denis Rouillon has studied 330 women’s breasts since 1997, and found that wearing a bra gives women absolutely no medical, physiological, or anatomical benefit, and regular bra use means “supporting tissues will not grow and even they will wither and the breast will gradually degrade.” Avoiding bras would help breasts retain their tone and stay firm throughout adult life, and quite possibly would ease back pains caused by sagging breasts, perhaps made this way by the bras themselves. Also, those dreaded stretch marks wouldn’t be such an issue.
His principle observation is that women without bras would see a 7mm lift of the nipple upward, as well as an overall firmness within the breast itself since the muscles beneath it would cease their degradation.
So let’s stop all the champagne bottle opening and make our clarifications here. If you’re an adult female who has worn a bra all of your life, this isn’t the time to ditch the apparel, as it wouldn’t have any measurable benefit at this point. The women Rouillon tested were “not a representative sample of the population,” and I’m assuming they were all fairly young. So while it seems fairly suspect for me to stand here and tell everyone to make sure their daughters go bra-less for their own bodily health, it’s a genuine piece of advice, honest! I’m not saying it’s advice that this Star Trek fan could have used, but I’m not saying it isn’t.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I simply must take a cold shower after writing this, and I promise not to tweak the hot and cold faucets when I do it.