In the post-Romero zombie world, the headshot has become the only consistently reliable way to stop the undead. Over the years, countless zombie craniums have been blasted to bits by all manner of firearms. Some executions are graceful, gory, and convincing in their realism, while others are low budget and resemble firecrackers taped to a condom full of red paint. Either way, it’s always a lot of fun. Screen Junkies has put together a two-minute supercut of some of the more memorable zombie headshots in recent memory.
I am of the firm belief that violence in the media is not to be blamed for the violent wrongdoings of the people that may or may not intake such media. A quick look at news around the world is a good reminder that people are inherently violent. It’s evolution. You know what else is evolutionary? Stupidity. And you need not look at anything but national news to figure that out.
16-year-old Trevor Hargrove from Fort Smith, Arkansas was non-fatally shot in his upper torso on Monday. Was he saving a family member from a murderous intruder? No. Was he an intruder, shot in self-defense by a frightened victim? Nope. He was shot by his 15-year-old friend while they were “playing a zombie game” with his twin brother. Of course!
Far be it for me to tell a 16-year-old that there are better things to do than run around pretending to be a zombie – that’s what bath salts are for – but what the fuck? Hargrove was apparently aping The Walking Dead‘s Daryl Dixon by aiming an empty bow at his friend Nico Sanders, when Sanders pulled out a gun he’d taken from his mother’s nightstand and pulled the trigger, nailing Hargrove just below the neck.
Now that The Walking Dead is in between seasons — instead of just in between different halves of a single season — we’re going to need something to keep our undead fixation in check. And while we’ve given quite a bit of coverage to the recently completed BBC zombie miniseries In the Flesh, the show hasn’t actually aired in America yet. But instead of throwing a bunch of tea in the river and complaining about it, we’ve just been waiting patiently until word dropped on when we’d get to see the show ourselves. I may have thrown a pack of tea on the ground though. Just one.
BBC America announced today that In the Flesh will shamble onto American soil on August 3, 2013, four fucking months from now. I suppose I could be grateful that the show is playing here at all, and that I’m not forced to go down some dangerous back alley — i.e. one of many different websites — in order to get a bootleg copy of the airings. But I’m still a tad peeved about it. I guess I need some kind of…anger management, right? Oh wait, the show is about zombie rehabilitation, not anger management. Scratch that.
Zombies are everywhere. Not only is AMC’s drama The Walking Dead a major ratings monster, the undead are shilling everything from candy to deodorant to multiple major automobiles. It’s a thing. Walking corpses are even being used to promote public safety and disaster preparedness (though one Oregon middle school won’t offer a “zombie survival skills” class for students). If you’re seriously worried about the dead rising and trying to devour your frontal lobe, or if you just like cool stuff, check out these zombie emergency boxes.
This just in: not only is the American education system lacking the funds it needs to actually educate America, but apparently some people within said system don’t care if we all get eaten by zombies. Or at the very least, they don’t care if we know how to avoid getting eaten up. Or that evolution exists, but that’s for other stories.
The Mermiston School District in northeast Oregon announced that a “zombie survival skills” class Armand Larive Middle School was offering has been declared “officially deader than fucking doornails, which this school has also removed for safety purposes.” (That isn’t a real quote.)
Superintendent Fred Maiocco was apparently unaware that a school in his district used zombie survival as an extra-curricular activity, and only found out about it when he read about how popular it was, saying he “couldn’t believe that would actually be a class.”
It will be replaced with an “exploratory reading” class, which is good and all, but I’m sure some of those kids are really disappointed that hands-on outdoor activities will be replaced by a book-holding voyage of the imagination. The least they could do is let them read The Walking Dead, iZombie, and Alpha Girl comic books in between the school reading list items.
In the ways that The Walking Dead comic and TV show have influenced pop culture, much of it has to do with re-legitimizing the decades-old zombie genre that hundreds of filmmakers and storytellers continue to cheapen by going for guts instead of glory. But you know one way in which all those terrible B-movies and lifeless novels are better than The Walking Dead? They didn’t give us one of the most credibly annoying children in popular fiction: Carl goddamned Grimes.
Cedar Rapids, Iowa wants to breed an entire army of Carls to brood pre-pubescently in their four-gallon hats by holding a zombie survival camp through the end of the month at the Ushers Ferry Historic Village. This admittedly fun-sounding event is taking kids ages 8-12 and giving them the skills they need to prepare emergency survival kits, to build shelters, and to find their way through the wilderness. So it’s like Boy Scouts without all the bigotry and merit badges. I wonder if they spike up the suspense factor by having a real-life murderer stand in for a zombie chasing them through the wilderness. Or maybe some killer bees at least.
The camp will culminate on the last day in a Humans vs. Zombies water gun war that should test most of the kids’ newly learned skills. The chances are high that almost any kid doing this is going to be less annoying than Carl, so maybe I’m just projecting my jealousy on the good Parks and Recreations Department of Cedar Rapids. Ron Swanson would be proud.