Giant Freakin Robot

The Total Recall remake has had two weeks to win over moviegoers, and so far both the reactions and the box office have been less than stellar. But while the Total Recall remake may or may not be worthy of polishing Arnold Schwarzenegger’s comically distended eyestalks, it does have one thing going for it: it features some frankly gorgeous design work.

In Total Recall a factory worker discovers he’s a spy and then the spy he becomes wonders if he’s nothing more than the fevered fantasies of a deluded factory worker. Yet it’s not the psychological quandaries of Douglas Quaid which make this movie so engaging, it’s the technological marvels of the futuristic world which surrounds him. Nothing Quaid does can compare to the amazing special effects director Len Wiseman has him fighting his way through. If only Quaid’s story had been as creatively and carefully constructed as his environment, this might have been one of the best remakes of all time. Instead it’s just a lot of fun, a wild romp that’s sort of like a futuristic Bourne minus the tortured, sympathetic persona of Matt Damon’s better spy character.

Of course if you read any of the movie’s advertising propaganda you’ll be told that this Total Recall isn’t a remake of the well-known and much beloved 1990 Arnold Schwarzenegger movie of the same name. In theory, this movie is only based on the same source material (Philip K. Dick’s acclaimed short story “We Can Remember It For You Wholesale”) and not on director Paul Veerhoven’s film. But the similarities between the two films are too great and the differences between them too superficial for the Colin Farrell starring edition to deserve the title of reboot. The new Total Recall is a lot like the old Total Recall and that means no matter what anyone tells you, it’s a remake and not at all a reboot.

It’s been twenty-two years since Arnold Schwarzenegger pulled a walnut out of his sinus cavity and told himself to “get your ass to Mars.” Now moviegoers are returning to Recall with a reboot from Underworld director Len Wiseman, and a cast including Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, and Bryan Cranston. In a head-to-head battle, which Recall will be worth remembering? Let’s find out.

Tomorrow you can finally see Len Wiseman’s remake of Total Recall and judge for yourself if it was worth revisiting Paul Verhoeven’s 1990 original. While there are definitely nods to the earlier version—many of you have seen a clip featuring an updated take on the “two weeks” moment—one thing you won’t see is a cameo from Total Recall star, and former California governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Don’t expect to see this former governor pop up in Total Recall.